Ep 51 - Psychological Causes of Guilt

hi everyone welcome to the psychology and spirituality a bridge to a better life discussion I'm your host Merc Tran but with me is my dear friend I can call you dear friend right an and Sinclair and she's uh coming to us from the UK and I am coming to you uh from the US but this is the first time you're watching this podcast program please note it is a weekly talk psych col in spirituality based on the works by Joanna d'angeles and we're here to offer all of us a safe space to confront to compare maybe correlate but mostly expand our Concepts our spiritual ideology and Concepts into a psychological lens and so be able to bring insights even actionable tips um perhaps advice to help you and I lead a better life today we're going to talk about guilt this is so hard right but as we know we are here and we we call it uh our evolving nature evolving Journey right as as Spirits as Immortal spirits and this journey calls us to a process of uh self evaluation a process of introspection but as we do that we start to uncover things and we may lead sometimes to that feeling of something is not quite right that we may call our personal guilt and uh for here for us today I just wanted to know how can we ensure this journey this evolutionary journey of our spirit toward a psychological as well as spiritual maturity should be one that focuses on our individuation but an individuation that is without guilt can even aspire to that I don't know we're going to know in a few minutes but before we start our conversation and i' would like to recognize the organizations that are sponsoring the program I would like to thank TV manin the United States spiritist Federation the international spiritist Council and army Brazil if you have not done so please hit subscribe and if you'd like to check out other information other channels it's Etc you can do so by just checking www.sp spiritist us if you have any questions critique feedback good or bad or even ugly right write to us in the chat window and if

information other channels it's Etc you can do so by just checking www.sp spiritist us if you have any questions critique feedback good or bad or even ugly right write to us in the chat window and if you don't have time today we'll certainly address them in the future um but as I said and this is this is just not easy it's not easy for me I have to be very Frank with you but let's start perhaps bringing a dictionary definition Mariam Webster for example of what uh guilt is and I I can tell you that uh in a dictionary uh definition we find that uh we may address guilt as the fact of committing a bridge of something right so it implies violating a law in existence and from that perspective uh if you go to the the jury of men right the the the the justice system it will involve or not but if you are uh deemed guilty it involves some sort of penalty for you to address that guilt guilty sentence the second definition it's all about uh the notion that you have committed a mistake an error an offense but you've done that consciously so it's very interesting and when we think about it the third definition is that uh it's a feeling now we get really blurry here a feeling of deserving blame for Imaginary offenses or for sense of inadequacy so that third definition we start to talk about the realm that we're here to talk about right which is the the the the psychology as well as the notion of spirituality how do we discuss guilt from this notion of I don't feel adequate or I feel that I made a mistake and feeling guilty so we can say that uh and and I I say this because it's really important to say out loud right but uh when we say that guilt the healthy guilt can function as a barometer right so it's there testing and defining and measuring our inner truth it the sense of this healthy guilt puts in motion um when we do something that it can be even that that as that it was defined right a sense of inadequacy and we can say sense of inadequacy because I was supposed to be here and

y guilt puts in motion um when we do something that it can be even that that as that it was defined right a sense of inadequacy and we can say sense of inadequacy because I was supposed to be here and I'm still here so I'm not putting all my effort to grow to overcome challenges in life right but it's really something that we've done the self deception that we feel and it is all about the violation of our own values our own standards and those standards can be moral ethical whatever and from that perspective as I said before this is considered healthy guilt because it can help us go back to the straight line if you will but I want to ask you as we start talking about uh guilt and can we maybe talk a little bit about different types of guilt that uh uh that you know of that you read about uh hi Maria hi everybody who's listening in thank you so much for for having me on the chat today yeah guilt is a really interesting topic I just want to like also frame it that you know we talk about these big um how can I say names like guilt and others and so on and we're looking at them now trying to find the way for forwards through psychology and spirituality while in the past they might have been treated H in a different way they might not even have had the same level of names and things like that so we have this possibility now as evolving spirits to slowly get to know ourselves which is what the the sages of antiquity had already said that the pathway forwards is through self- knowledge and self- knowledge requires us understanding what are we feeling I mean even like children in the past you know we had no proper names for feelings and things you know like nowadays you start focusing a little bit more even there movies out and things so when we think about self knowledge there what are we feeling feelings of guilt are very very present in a lot a lot of lives mine included and uh guilt can can be um like you just was saying you can have like that guilty feeling which is telling you

we feeling feelings of guilt are very very present in a lot a lot of lives mine included and uh guilt can can be um like you just was saying you can have like that guilty feeling which is telling you do that that wasn't a good way and brings you back to to to where you ought to be going uh suggest that you can you know need to go and uh balance the the broken energy with wherever or whatever happened uh and that is like um a way of bringing you there but there is like those deep levels of guilt and uh if you if you read like uh what shangel is the spirit who who brings bring us information of psychology to help us understand ourselves she suggested like there are like particularly two sources that we could think about just and one is when we have the guilt from the past from our past lives from our past experiences and let's say we committed a crime of some sort we were not found out nobody knew we died with it we took with it but that inner Compass our conscious it knows that we've done it so we have this sense inside us although we might not remember what the event is and uh we have this Shadow Over Us in that particular kind of topic because whatever we do and you see it a lot in the media people saying oh they got off scotf free you know they yeahoo they did it right not sered they got off blah blah and as I I have no problem saying no problem because the Justice of the universe balances everything always it's just a time and also it's you know you carry it with you and everything needs to be readdressed but not thinking about it in in a bad punitive way but thinking in a constructive and evolutionary way perhaps so sometimes it will come to you in an opportunity for you to to awaken and think about that subject and deal with it but quite often these things from the past lives we are not aware of them but it just seems like areas of our life we just naturally always feel guilty about things but also uh guilty feelings can come a lot from the way we were brought up from the education that

re of them but it just seems like areas of our life we just naturally always feel guilty about things but also uh guilty feelings can come a lot from the way we were brought up from the education that we got in our early childhood we know that the first five years of childhood yes ER determine the formation of our personality for this Incarnation for this life so whatever our caregiver who are the parents or teachers or clergy or Nannies or or whoever is looking after us uh with no blame towards them because people just do what they know how to do but the way that we might have been brought up might have been in manipulating us making us feel guilty if we don't do as they say absolutely absolutely so so I think just to to make sure that I got it so there is that uh H the Deep unconscious right those things that are buried and they're buried because they come from a a different life we don't have we don't bring most of us at least don't bring that memory of that but the triggers to understanding that guilt are usually our reaction to those pain points that we carry so I love what you said uh we we we got out scotf free did we no we didn't right um but then um at some point our um awareness or or really focus on how do I feel when this happens is is really helping us under uh become aware of what's going on and the second is that uh education I wanted to to bring something that you were talking here and and I thought about it which is uh just that that guilt that we are aware we made a mistake right we we it's not buried and it's not from our parents or caretakers caregivers Etc but it is I made a mistake it is an error or failure Etc and um and the thing that came to my mind and I wanted to share it's a personal personal experience and but it was several years ago when I went to um Johannesburg in South Africa and um last day last day we we didn't have anything else I went for work and then there's there was some time for vacation and we went to the I believe it's called the

um Johannesburg in South Africa and um last day last day we we didn't have anything else I went for work and then there's there was some time for vacation and we went to the I believe it's called the apart hiide Museum and it's enormous but we're just going through and it was it was the I would say the most impactful experience I've had my life from a museum perspective they really made you aware at the entrance you're randomly given a card I don't know if you've been there an but you're randomly given a card that if you're Co white or colored you go to different entrances of the museum so my husband was got the white card I didn't so he went through this beautiful entrance and I went into a a gate that felt like I was an animal so just there it it starts to sensorial since there something wrong but anyways back several hours of reading and and really getting to that intellectually at the very end there were the the the the film The the movies made as a result of Nelson Mandela becoming the president and and stating the the tri the forgiveness I don't know if you know about it but the offenser and the offended had to come face to face yeah and it was a choice it was a choice right but come face to face and ask for forgiveness and you go footage after footage after footage and and that got into such such an emotional response for me because no matter who you are everybody cried and it was very authentic tears of I am repenting from the con the guilt of a conscious offense and you said it well sometimes it was culturally ingrained in the mind of that person to treat the other as less than we don't know right or somebody uh defending and killing somebody else whatever it is but it was very deep-seated so guilt forgiveness are like two sides of the same coin right 100% yeah I think that is actually one of the key points around guilt is is forgiveness yeah and it's interesting because it's forgiveness for self yes and asking forgiveness of others yes and trying to do reparations in whichever

ally one of the key points around guilt is is forgiveness yeah and it's interesting because it's forgiveness for self yes and asking forgiveness of others yes and trying to do reparations in whichever way possible and it's I find it really interesting because when you think about like say Jesus taught us he said oh you must forgive forgive forgive forgive 70 times 77 yeah when you think about it just like oh you must do this because yes if not what if not you go to hell yes or something like that yes see you must do this because I am telling you because the the bosses are telling us that this is what Jesus has told it makes it really difficult like at least for a spirit like myself yeah but when I start to understand the function of forgiveness in terms of uh recognizing the error uh and looking at it taking responsibility for it yes and trying to think what adjustments need I do not to repeat the same mistake because I can see the consequences of this mistake yeah and then that forgiveness instead of being imposition out of nowhere or somebody yo you must do this say no this is the medicine that you need to get better to free yourself and help heal others yeah it just completely transforms it for me yeah absolutely and and I like what you said uh earlier on when you said in the past there were punitive forms of reparation right that today it it it's not so um it's not so harsh because now we are discussing even having words to talk about our feelings our feelings of inadequacy or self-deception Etc that perhaps even a hundred years ago where our ancestors are not talking or or accessing that uh before perhaps uh with the birth of psychology but uh I I think it's very important for us to understand that uh um the the healing power of uh re repentance or remorse right and I I see it like a little bit of a a flowchart right you make a mistake and then that leads to perhaps to remorse if you don't do anything about that remorse that awaren Ness that you've done something wrong right and as

ittle bit of a a flowchart right you make a mistake and then that leads to perhaps to remorse if you don't do anything about that remorse that awaren Ness that you've done something wrong right and as you said an if it's something that you really don't know you as that inner you that uh Immortal you will know right so it doesn't matter but the awareness of the the the the issue the failure the hurt that you caused whatever then there's a question of do we want to ask for forgiveness or forgive the other which is number one but then what are you doing to address to repair you use the word reparation which is a very good word how what do we need to do to repair the damage and or hurt that you caused and this is really important because we're talking about emotions and feelings here as well so let's talk about maybe that sense of inadequacy that uh um our parents willingly or not cause and with that they they do that so let me think about a little bit right because um if we think about an um that guilt internalized from childhood manipulation or they many people call it adaptive guilt is is really all about um the the guilt that uh you you you have for uh Having learned and internalized what our parents and I'm saying our right because it's all of us or our caregivers gave to us and we have internalized and this is gets really hairy right it gets really complicated because it is the guilt the manipulation right the different levels of manipulation and then the internalization of those quote unquote rules to be able to to to meet my parents needs but then the guilt that I come and I have guilt to myself because I've really not been authentic and truthful to myself but then there's the guilt that comes from from a violating perhaps the imposed manipulation and it gets so so har so let's talk about it what what maybe what can we talk and maybe what some examples of that that comes to your mind yeah I I would first I would like just like to say something is like let's not go down

let's talk about it what what maybe what can we talk and maybe what some examples of that that comes to your mind yeah I I would first I would like just like to say something is like let's not go down the rabbit hole of blaming the parents the the whoever because that's one of the things we take responsibility now we're obviously we're watching this program we're talking here we're all adults we take respons possibility for our choices now H everybody did the best they could do within what they had to give within their possibilities at that time now that we are left with the consequences is what do we do with that and rather all their you're saying okay now I have this in me what am I going to do about it and when you were talking a typical guilt trip that happened to me and to many I know from my generation was uh when you go to each your food there you go I was thinking the same you don't feel so hungry you have like half the the the amount that's been served to you you don't want anymore but then the those parents or caregivers say no you need to finish your plate you need to clean your plate you must eat everything because this is what they say to back in my day there are children starving in Africa yes I would cry i' would be so sad that children are starving in Africa but how as an adult what is the connection between me overeating and becoming you know uncomfortable or potentially obese into my adult lifehood with children starving in Africa so it's that guilt trip to force me to do something that I I was naturally not wanting to do and I know Lads of people we all have this kind of thing and we dare not respond saying how is it that by me eating this I I can help the children in Africa it makes no difference to them this this food is not there this food is here in front of me especially because of uh the thinking of the child right because sometimes we're talking about this when a child is four five six years old this is this is the really important part whatever you tell

especially because of uh the thinking of the child right because sometimes we're talking about this when a child is four five six years old this is this is the really important part whatever you tell a child in those first five years whatever you tell them whatever you demonstrate to them they take that as truth yes they take that in and they form that in within the their inner psyche as this is how the world works and this is the truth yeah yeah and then afterwards we need to remodel it yes but that is that is the your basic building BL they do not question things children they just accept it in early early childhood so sometimes if they have a reaction I think it's all about us learning new ways of educating children doesn't mean that they should should then have no boundaries and do whatever they want and run you know it's not that but it's finding different ways in which we can be more coherent H and that we exemplify what we want for them I remember was uh working with a family and the child was screaming twoy old two and a half year old the mother was screaming louder telling them to shut up shut up shut up shut up that stop and so I said to the mother I said what would you like your child to do she said I want them to calm down and to speak gently I said well you need to demonstrate that to them that that is what you want you demonstrated that what you want is to shout because that is what you are doing she was not very happy but yeah what I me to say is it's it's not about the blame it's saying what you want your child to do how do you want to show him the way and it's also like saying like positive instru ruction instead of saying don't run in order to say Don't run you need to run and then imagine what it is not to run that's not very helpful for a very young child you say walk slowly hold mommy's hand walk together with us let's walk safely so you given that clear instruction of what you want rather than the opposite because it makes a mess in people's hands the reason we we say

y hold mommy's hand walk together with us let's walk safely so you given that clear instruction of what you want rather than the opposite because it makes a mess in people's hands the reason we we say those things is because that's we are just repeating how the examples of of cultural ways of bringing up children from our generation yes to break that mold is it's also it's hard because we need to see it first in order to then transform it yeah so in terms of children and you know guilt tripping them to behave the way we want that carries on into adult life as well in relationships you know if you if you love me you'll do this if you don't do this it's because you don't love me this kind of manipulation so where is that coming that's coming from that child that learned that this is how the world functions there's other aspects right I that you you made me remember uh that manipulative but also aspects of my own let's say I'm an adult I have a child but uh for whatever reason I'm no longer fulfilling my dreams of I'm going to grab something really out there right I wanted to be an astronaut and I can't because now I'm the mother uh and and so I push my child to become to have the attributes that perhaps I had or desires to become an astronaut to fulfill my initial desire and that can create and I say this because this is quite common to have that that uh um pushing your your own um inadequacies or your own inability to fulfill your dreams into a child is also a form of manipulation and the child may or may not accept that so for example um I may say that uh hypothetically I I want to to follow this career and my parents are like no no no don't do it this is bad career you're not going to do this you're going to go there and um let's say I answer but at some point I am so unhappy right that I move maybe I'm mean my 20s early 20s but I moved to my real career that I wanted but the bond toward my feelings of guilt for transgressing that initial requirement for my parents May sit inside of me and

maybe I'm mean my 20s early 20s but I moved to my real career that I wanted but the bond toward my feelings of guilt for transgressing that initial requirement for my parents May sit inside of me and I'm not even aware that I have this pain point for not doing so uh it creates some ugly aspect of that relationship of guilt which is if you do you're doomed if you don't do you're doomed as well right so maybe we can talk a little bit about it uh in in in in that idea right what what is the problem with manipulating our child through those types of guilt tripping or uh manipul manipulation I don't know if you have any thoughts about it an yeah no I and I think that like say sometimes the people doing the manipulation they they might be doing it unconsciously correct trying to fulfill their own voids yeah I think that one of the things that might be helpful for people is to think the child that's come to you as your daughter as your son is a brother or sister in spirit that's right only being a child temporarily and I was with saying to like somebody the other day had a baby I said you are the portal through which the soul is arriving she said oh no I don't like that this is my baby I love it but even in the language right as you said changing from uh I am your mother into your a vessel a portal and and also removes the the notion of ownership no one belongs to anyone else exactly and the the job of the parents is to support and guide that Spirit at the beginning of the Incarnation while the the physical body is still growing and developing and giving them guidance and uh support for in terms of the culture in which they coming into about the language and you know family relations the city because if you are born into one culture in one life and to different culture the next life you need to learn all those codes of uh relationships and behavior of of that that culture of that family of that situation and it's just knowing that listen to the child and what they're saying one of the things that I've seen

codes of uh relationships and behavior of of that that culture of that family of that situation and it's just knowing that listen to the child and what they're saying one of the things that I've seen quite a few times also is uh the child so much wants to be loved and approved by the parents that they end up not knowing even what they want so you say what would you like to do following your example of the career what would you like to do when you grow up you know what are your interests which is where are your your inner talents or your aspirations and they will look at the mom or look at the dad for guidance because they are afraid of saying I want to be a d answer knowing that they Aspire for them to be a lawyer yes so they looking because they they need for approval and love from those caregivers who which is essential for your survival it it is a big thing absolutely yeah ENT your survival that that you are accepted and looked after and nourished yeah means that you block what you want your individuality who you are as a spirit coming in you block it because your survival needs a stronger and then it comes to a point that it's so blocked that you can't even remember or you can't really sometimes access what it is so you're always doing something that somebody else dreamed for you and thinking well but what would you like to do say I don't know and there's a self- sabotaging right that your your true authentic uh self desire and Mission Etc but also some point and I I just let's put down uh Our Lifetime right uh M midlife crisis will occur and we all go through it but will be a very difficult one to overcome or to to to experience because you're going to crash through all of this consciously or not it it all surfaces up but I wanted to just to to to rephrase what we talked about just to make sure that we we are uh in sync here um and right so we we talked about the childhood manipulation that is sometimes um referenced or referred by as adaptive guilt that guilt

talked about just to make sure that we we are uh in sync here um and right so we we talked about the childhood manipulation that is sometimes um referenced or referred by as adaptive guilt that guilt from those uh uh internalized childhood manipulation and um it's uh when it is uh exemplified is when parents mostly unconsciously will use their child to which they are what did you call the portal the portal only but the the the parent unconsciously use that uh that child to manage their own unresolved issues losses or their own perhaps there's a sense of rejection right and they they have felt rejected now they transfer all the need to belong to the child or even other very difficult feelings perhaps but because they're transferring their own sense of inadequacy uh and this is what's hard to to to talk about it here but they transfer and they hold un unconsciously they hold their child responsible for their well-being and when they do that and they start those famous guilt tripping right uh and they use their own uh right they their own whatever paino suffering to um use those uh uh uh emotional blackmail to their child and the other side of it because there's always two side is that uh the children we somehow maybe we develop survival strategies so those survival strategy is one way to accommodate right the the the parents desires and needs but also uh to avoid uh abandonment or emotional abandonment from that parent and they start to understand at some point there will be disloyal I don't know if that's the best term right that will negate they will deny the parents need for this or that and in that they'll also go through some guilt so it is hard um there's also uh one of the things that I wanted us to bring here because it's quite common which is and I don't have time I work let's pretend right I work I go to I decided to do a new degree in whatever and I am I am a volunteer and I'm a friend I have my life is full so what do I do with my own sense of inadequacy as a parent to my children

ght I work I go to I decided to do a new degree in whatever and I am I am a volunteer and I'm a friend I have my life is full so what do I do with my own sense of inadequacy as a parent to my children what do I do the number one thing that we do today is we give that child something a gift a toy or whatever yes and it's lovely that you parent me or you and I don't know how did you raise your but it's good to see parents giving that because it's out of love but that giving out of love or not but giving it does not substitute for the time that that child requires from you parent right so I think it's important for us to talk a little bit about it where is uh the fact that uh the giving things will not bypass the bond that is required from a parent to a child yeah and I think that one of the the difficulties nowadays is that Society in general since um let's say women were able to go out into the workforce and for the careers before in Western Society I'm talking about Western Society like modern times let's say women were the main caregivers at home and then uh this transformed and women went out to work but they carried on being the main caregivers at home as well except there were do two jobs instead of one now certainly and uh the balance of that going forward is still not forged very well and the task of educating and parenting your children's it is a big task yes and it's not valued in our society it's not valued because you don't get paid for it because the value in our society materialistic Society is how many dollars or pounds do you get for your work looking after children and bringing them up you don't get paid at all actually costs you a lot yes so it's it creates uh some level of confusion and s like it's not important H that it can be it just happens naturally and it does happen naturally because like say even in the animal kingdom if you think you know uh mother monkey and baby monkey they they somehow battle through and and it comes out but in terms of of of human babies

en naturally because like say even in the animal kingdom if you think you know uh mother monkey and baby monkey they they somehow battle through and and it comes out but in terms of of of human babies we're coming with all this past with us all this potential for growth and Spiritual Development all this conflict psychological uh makeup yes and it is such a an opportunity that early childhood is such a golden opportunity to instill really good rules and behaviors for Life yes and that then you know you would have that structure but it is true that sometimes parents both need to go to work because to pay the bills and they can't be at home so the parents should not be guilt dripping themselves either because the child needs somebody to teach them that and if it's not the mom or the dad it can be the grandma the Auntie or whoever is looking after them that fulfills that role of of main caregiver but it is um we there is interesting here like in Social Services um when there is when you think about U interventions by by the government Social Services because of children being neglected yeah children are being neglected in poverty they don't have enough food they don't have enough stimulation or they don't have a clean house to live in but there is another part which there have been many cases and it's called neglect by the wealthy oh yeah which exactly what you described that children come back from school to an empty house perhaps to activities and things but that Mom that Dad that that presence of Love there is not there the sense of belonging right and is not instilled perhaps and it's just like it's that emptiness that loneliness and uh also that that that moral reference of you know how how's this supposed to work when you you know even like you know referencing when you come back from school and you parents ask well how's it day at school today you know what did you learn is inviting them to to share what's happened so that also if things that happened were not or were difficult

om school and you parents ask well how's it day at school today you know what did you learn is inviting them to to share what's happened so that also if things that happened were not or were difficult you might have an opportunity to talk about it on how did that make you feel so how did to resolve that you know and you know are you satisfied with that and just have that those conversations I think a lot of us find those conversations difficult because we don't have a model that we've built up in our own childhood perhaps yeah yeah that's that's very very true but I I appreciate it I know this is your area of work right uh uh in England and uh and it's really it's good for us to to remember that it is potentially an increasingly uh larger problem to have the the neglect by the wealthy where the one commodity they don't have is their time right they call it emotional neglect I see I see I see it's not Material neglect because they've got everything material but it's emotional neglect because they don't have the love and nurturing yeah and as children we need that that validation as we're going along yeah and uh I I I mean we're talking about this and I really want to put it out there like you know whoever's listening in don't feel guilty it's contrary it's contrary to what we want here because it's really uh let's talk about guilt so that you you know that it's okay to feel that way right we all somehow feel but don't uh punish yourself I think that's the what I would like to to bring here here is no matter what there will be guilt but there is a healthy component which is almost like pain right and guilt is like pain that it's not that you want to feel pain but when you feel pain it's telling something is wrong so let's go ahead and look at the source of the pain to rid of it to to correct the wrong likewise with pain I think we should look at uh and because it's all feeling based it's hard because we don't speak feeling very well do we no matter what we still are

id of it to to correct the wrong likewise with pain I think we should look at uh and because it's all feeling based it's hard because we don't speak feeling very well do we no matter what we still are infants if you will in the vocabulary in the language of honoring all there is this this this emotional uh holler Co roller coaster that it's it's sometimes our feelings up and down and we feel this and we feel that but the more we address it the more we look at ourselves El the more we start to be in tuned to positive negative etc etc I wanted to say something and because I think we're we're reaching the the end of our time today um when um I think right when we when we talk about uh this this healthy guilt as uh a barometer of our inner truth right when we say I want to get rid of it I want to get rid of this feeling of guilt uh and we mentioned before I just want to confirm here again with you that especially if it's coming from I don't know something you've done from a past life but also from that internalized childhood guilt let's look at it the the resolution for that inner conflict is to understand and to be reminded of what is it that I am or I want to be it's really reaching to the authenticity of our desires our goals our objectives and to to be there by perhaps looking at uh how can I look for choices that are available to me right in a way that they will serve me with respect and psychological Integrity what are your thoughts on that so that when we part we have an idea of what is it that we can do we talked about forgiveness but we also uh need to talk about this inner voyage and and understand that those feelings are there for a reason and that we need to look at them with um with love and kindness to to ourselves yeah I was just going to start like exactly what you're saying self love is essential yeah yeah and uh by loving ourselves un accepting that even say okay I'm not happy with the situation where I am pardon me I'm going to cough um and instead of just

ou're saying self love is essential yeah yeah and uh by loving ourselves un accepting that even say okay I'm not happy with the situation where I am pardon me I'm going to cough um and instead of just being playing out the the role of the victim or the power feeling powerless or or sad and just acknowledging okay this I'm not happy with this or this is not what I really want I don't even know what I did want but you slowly by acknowledging it and Opening space to allow those things that have been repressed into what we call the Shadows I always call the Shadows is under the carpet don't serve me at the moment we put it under the carpet yeah yeah yeah authenticity that we might have lost earlier on it's under the carpet it's there but we need to like lift a little bit the edge of the carpet and all kinds of things might come running out so exactly get get a little bit dirty right it's going to be all sorts of dust in this but it's okay but you you you need to feel brave and you can feel Brave when you feel strong in your own self-love and saying that your selflove is within the love of the universe that sustains all life and everything and that even if uh let's say you are afraid of getting things wrong we will all always get things wrong it's okay it's part of how we learn and how we progress the thing when we get the result that we we don't want and think it's like oh the wrong result I can't afford to get it wrong again or something like that why not we will get it wrong as many times as we need to because each time that we get the result it's not what we wanted or we learn something from that yes and each bit of the learning is a piece of the puzzle that we go building of our own Evolution so instead of trying to be perfect and get everything right because of some expectation that's out somewhere in society that we have accepted for ourselves that we are not allowed to get things wrong and that we're not allowed to fail inverted commas inverted commas yeah so what is to get things wrong is

ere in society that we have accepted for ourselves that we are not allowed to get things wrong and that we're not allowed to fail inverted commas inverted commas yeah so what is to get things wrong is thinking so I did this and this was the result okay so now I've learned that doing this this is what you get so if I want something different I need to do something different it's the same thing you can't get a different results if you keep doing the same thing because it's just going to repeat again and it's just having that courage that moral courage to try something different and even you know if it's not what you wanted or what you expect or it comes out different that's okay it's part of your learning and say oh I I'm already of a certain age I shouldn't be making mistakes anymore I should be perfect now I guess no we're not perfect we making mistakes all the way to the Grave yes yes and it's and the thing of the mistakes is all all the experiments that we do is just take the learning and say okay that that's interesting I this is what I can take from this and and how do we build on top of it and you know that self forgiveness forgiving others as well and just taking back the power to ourselves so we can change things you're not going to change like dramatically everything from one day to the next because be bit un stabilizing but you go slowly changing things and then everything go the balance goes changing and new things come out it's worthwhile uh giving yourself the opportunity to live out all the experiences that this life is offering you without feeling afraid of you know getting it wrong of disappointing somebody of perhaps repeating errors of the past we are here this is this is an experiment being on Earth is an experiment we are experimenting with life and we are learning and we are progressing it's okay none of us here are perfect yeah the image that comes to my mind and some some some people say that one ways to to describe in Greek sin or error in so many words is um

nd we are progressing it's okay none of us here are perfect yeah the image that comes to my mind and some some some people say that one ways to to describe in Greek sin or error in so many words is um missing the target of an Archer so let's I I I love that image of to make mistakes is you're you're you're pointing your effort to get that Arrow into the target but when you miss you don't look away you look at the mistake so that you can correct the next time you'll be better at hitting the Target so I think this is for all of us right let's look at this topic of guilt as the bar this is for me at least and as the barometer to correct us on something is not quite right and I don't really know if it's my education a best life or something that I've done something I've done so let's look at it and find ways to redirect ourselves and the path to do this is not only this this awareness right this looking this looking inside of us but also forgiveness and understanding that if I caused some pain to myself or to anyone let's take the time to heal it to repair it to become whole again but uh with that an I want to say goodbye we reached our our end of our time to get together we'll be back again love to to have you here talking about guilt especially in relationship to that parental uh emotional manipulation it's a mouthful as it is but thank you so much and thank you for being with us today thank you for having me l