Ep 50 - What Are Social Phobias?

hello everyone welcome to the psychology and spirituality a bridge to a better life discussion I'm your host Marcia trano and with me is my dear friend and co-host and podcast founder Jada corn go if this is the first time you're watching this podcast like program please not this series of discussions the weekly talks are based on works by Joanna d'angeles and uh it is our offering to you to me to all of us to achieve a safe space so that we can confront compare correlate and even expand our concepts of uh spirituality from a psychological lens I'm here with you Jada and today we're going to discuss social phobias before we start our conversation I would like to to uh recognize the organization that is sponsoring this program the TV Manel Cino the United States Spirits Federation and the international spirs Council as well as Amy Brazil if you have not done so please take a moment to hit subscribe and if you'd like to check out more about some other conversations discussions and resources check us out at www .sp spiritist us if you have any question any feedback any critique please write it down in the chat window and we will try to answer today or at a later episode but before we we get started justad I was wondering if uh you know this time of the year we just went through the end of a cycle right maybe this is a good opportunity for us to take a moment to to think about ourselves take stock about our lives the year ended right a cycle has ended and maybe we can think about did we actually manag to plan how to get where we are today and if we did perhaps we can talk about the elements that led us here in In This Very chaotic very complex life what are our triggers our culture Norms or even our expectations for those of us who did not plan to get where we are today why not right did we maybe just opt out or just felt safe where we are and we don't want to challenge us anymore so this is very interesting and why do I say this because we are pushed right just pushed

y not right did we maybe just opt out or just felt safe where we are and we don't want to challenge us anymore so this is very interesting and why do I say this because we are pushed right just pushed to perform we we take stock at the end of the year have we done what I said a year ago I wanted to do um have I uh achieved this by this year of Our Lives etc etc and uh with all of those discussion there is a component that we want to talk today which is social phobia so let's just take a moment to perhaps Define what they are and and also uh understand why did it started who started this definition so just as you know Gustaf Jung he is the Swiss psychologist and psychotherapist and he's really well known for um founding analytical psychology but he's also really well known for the book that he wrote called psychological types this book was published published oh over hundred years ago in the early 1920s and it was actually a result of about 20 years two decades researching in the field of practical psychology Yung at the time was trying to to Really reconcile mainstream theories that uh belonged on one hand to Sigman Freud on the other hand to uh Alfred Adler and and in working in researching he comes out with this idea of true two I'm sorry two attitudes and four types what are they well easy enough introversion extroversion and the types which are really divided into groups right the rational or judging uh attitude or I'm sorry let me start again the the two types two attitudes and four types the the the the functional types are rational or irrational simply it means either as a rational being in my you know my function my predominant function may be one that thinks but also judges right and the other component could be that more he called irrational which is really a a more of a nature to perceive to use your intuition your feeling why is it even important because we're going to talk about one attitude a personality attitude which is in verion Jada you may want to ask me why why did I spend time

o use your intuition your feeling why is it even important because we're going to talk about one attitude a personality attitude which is in verion Jada you may want to ask me why why did I spend time to compel to Define personality and I say to you it is because it is important for all of us to understand this so-called um personality attitude introversion because because according to Jung it is simply a predisposition to focus life and in terms of how I focus my inner world right so it's introversion whereas extraversion it's very easy to compare it's outside I look at what everything is outside of Me versus inside of me and those four types they get together we we've heard about the Myer bricks right that are 16 personality types when we we start to combine all of those extroverted thinking introverted thinking for example and it can get quite complicated but we're here to First understand that we are not just a a peer right we're we're in in labeled as I am this I cannot be that but it really tells our predisposition about what feels more comfortable from a personality perspective and the reason I go back J to Jung is because he he talks about uh you know the the the idea that what is not easy not what is not so uh part of your predisposition becomes a part of what we are but we repress right and it's very interesting because when we repress something as we talked before R just it bubbles up in in in times of extreme stress or something even if we are for example an extroverted uh type of Personality it it our introversion may come because we need to go through certain things so anyways this is good for all of us to understand and how it may lead to the topic of our conversation today which is sociophobia so um I say this J because we talked previously about the idea of individuation basically individuation is a process of becoming aware of all that we are right and all that we can achieve this this sense of uh being integral being whole being individuated and as I say this um I go

asically individuation is a process of becoming aware of all that we are right and all that we can achieve this this sense of uh being integral being whole being individuated and as I say this um I go back to the book this beautiful book that Joanna uh d'angeles wrote um the integral human being where she she she tells exactly what Jung mentioned so you know about 100 years ago that when we are under a lot of stress we as introverted individuals may fall into to that category of having phobic behaviors what am I talking about um basically I'm talking about sociophobia or phobic behaviors that there many of there right J but the one that we're talking about I would like to talk about is actually social anxiety disorder or in other words anxiety it is okay it is normal for all of us to be afraid it is normal for all of us to have anxiety the problem just is the fact that uh it can become a pathological state for us which is this long-term overwhelming fear of a social situation right so question for you je I know that those of us with this this type of social anxiety disorder feel that we are somehow judged that we are you know under the microscope and while this can be treated with either talk therapy pH pharmaco therapy Etc my question to you why is that we are so vulnerable especially this day and age to to feeling that pathological um state of fear with social anxiety what are your thoughts okay so first of all let me greet everyone like you said we are beginning a new year so my best wish for all of you and of course for my loving teammate Marcia and um I would like to uh propose something to you this year to all of you H which is normally like we say at the beginning of the year we we we kind of plan what we would like to achieve uh and of course not only in terms of you know success uh professional or whatever but also our Leisure Time what am I what are we going to do so we like to plan uh trips and in this case I'm going to use the word voyages right so there is one

now success uh professional or whatever but also our Leisure Time what am I what are we going to do so we like to plan uh trips and in this case I'm going to use the word voyages right so there is one voyage that we all should be thinking about which is the one that is not going to cost you anything it it is the one that we will do a voyage to deep inside ourselves so and this is a hard one because this is goes much with what you you ask Maria in terms of why it it is sometimes we feel easier to just avoid certain situations uh to to avoid um things that we know that we are going to be reacting in a way or another or that may may be risky to us we do not want to to to go to this Voyage of getting to know ourselves of having to look deep inside and analyzing our flaws and of course the many ver virtues that we already have have achieved it I mean we've been around for a while so this is one thing that it that that is there but um we also have to remember that we are not just a being that according to my birth certific certificate now it's named you know corn but I am so much more of that than that I'm I'm the sum up of many incarnations where I live in different experiences and some of them you know bad is stayed with me and so for whatever reason we see ourselves reacting to some situations that we will not find expl rational explanations in this lifetime that may be related to previous ones so now we are talking about fear and anxiety and situations that can provoke trigger that more more than other situations have to take this into cons consideration um and and of course as you said um there is nothing else that we will help will help us then to be become conscious of that and even look for you know the correct kind of treatment so that we can face and start digging up like in an archaeological site you know the the things that may be in the root of our reactions of our traumas um our fears that if we just leave there they're not go away right so I think um when we are talking

archaeological site you know the the things that may be in the root of our reactions of our traumas um our fears that if we just leave there they're not go away right so I think um when we are talking about soop phobias it may be something that you know it's cooking for for quite a while we cannot just you know point to a special occasion and said precisely this is where I started you know having fear of heights there is no such a thing as a switch right from that point on I I no longer could could go to a very tall building in F okay right yes and also you know you cannot say oh just because you know I I had a scare uh with you know let's say a motor vehicle I'm not getting into a motor vehicle anymore or you know things like this that per se uh not necessarily are just related to this event in order for us to take assume this kind of attitude history maybe it was not exactly a vehicle oh it could have been you know a horse a a chariot whatever but something that awaken uh in in us the same kind of of reaction and um so this is one thing and then now at this point you can be you mayy ask oh come on S this is not fair I have already on my plate just thinking about experience is just for us to have on the back of our mind that you know when when something is is too strong too deep there is more to that there is history I know I love what you're saying right because when we when we talk about what Gustaf Yung talked about in terms of thisposition and we talked about uh uh talk therapy or even you know a drug therapy to to deal with our this pathological fear it it is good to understand that there is a root cause but that root cause as you said may not be easily found those triggers are there but we don't know why right why is it going to for example an elevator is triggering my my heart to to to beat faster and I start to sweat and I and I have all sorts of uh physical reactions to something that is common to our Modern Life right so I think it it's important for us to

ng my my heart to to to beat faster and I start to sweat and I and I have all sorts of uh physical reactions to something that is common to our Modern Life right so I think it it's important for us to understand that somehow it may be hidden in in in our what I call our inherited uh past of other lives that we lived and I think it's very important for all of us to to think about it as well as for example um conditions in this lifetime that may be quite hard right just how of abuse bullying somebody teasing us when we are very young may lead us to be perhaps adolescents or young adults that are that are quite shy and and not able to really Bloom into the potential that all that is out there here so I I really appreciate that right it's just so so hard and um just thought I think not so long ago we talked about uh the notion of Freedom right that uh I think if I remember correctly you mentioned that we all Aspire for Love Peace and Freedom right and and so when we talk about U this need to be free can we perhaps talk a little bit about how how does it relate with this um prison and I'm I'm I'm I'm you know air quote here prison um of that we put in ourselves that we are no longer able to get out there and and our social phobia is so strong that puts us to to stay uh closed off to to friends to Adventures to to to a really full life can we talk a little bit about that uh perhaps um that concept of being free I was just uh thinking um mer I don't know if I'm going to recall completely but I'm sure you will know can complement what I'm going to say all of a sudden it came to my mind the uh the story that so Socrates proposed to to us in terms of the the cave where there are all these people living in the cave only seeing the Shadows yeah and um you you don't go outside and to to see what it really is and I think that's so many times we do that as well and when uh young young is um talking about this you know typology extrovert introvert and the four functions and the a Vari

o see what it really is and I think that's so many times we do that as well and when uh young young is um talking about this you know typology extrovert introvert and the four functions and the a Vari it's I I think it was like you know his way of um come to terms with the different personalities that we we find and even in just one person so now we are not going to be labeled as being an introvert or extrovert because we will see people that will say oh my God this this this people when this person when he or she does that it looks like a different person no it's all part of us but sense of what you were talking about in terms of you know bullying and Trauma and abuse they have suffered you know the the you know the the flight or fight response that we have right right will sometimes lead us us to uh to Rite to hide uh importance of that occurrence to us so that we do not have to face it and not only not face it because it can be you know hurting a very hurting experience yes but um God forbid it can be true yeah someone said something to you that not only is heartful but you recognize that is true yes and so there there are so many different aspects that we have to think about but H it it's not healthy for us to to ignore you know it's like you know putting all the dust under the the the the rug and one day it's we will say that you know it's really bad there and sometimes we do that we we are not saying here that it's not right what we feel when somebody or someone comes and hurt us or do things to us that for one reason or another may impact may hurt our feelings okay it can be you know unfortunately like children and teenagers that they they are not very sensitive in relation to their peers and uh they just start laughing because you know um that that clothes that you decided to wear today was not according to Fashion or whatever such a silly thing that may may impact you for the rest of your life correct and believe me it's not just because you can't recognize that that

d to wear today was not according to Fashion or whatever such a silly thing that may may impact you for the rest of your life correct and believe me it's not just because you can't recognize that that precise fact reason that led you to this kind of behavior that we are going to manage to just say to fix it in in is so we're going to make an assessment and then um uh we will corrected uh let me share something very personal um I'm a cancer survivor and uh after and I am and I lost my mom my mother to cancer and um right after you know I did all the treatment that I had to do and that was years ago thank God I'm still here um I started to gain weight and it was not I mean there was not no justifiable reason for me to you know to totally lose control of my weight and um I finally realized why this was happening and then I went to therapy I still need to lose some weight but it has nothing to do with that anymore and then going to the therapist I told her I think that the reason why I I try to lose weight and I cannot is because every time that I have to go and this was quite often you know to uh a cancer hospital I would see all those cancer patients you know skin and bone yeah and that to me was the image of if I'm skin and bone if I'm to thing it's because I knew so I knew perfectly well what the problem was was that I was trying to lose weight and I nothing wor it because my at the back of my mind there was this image that I saw like happening with my mom you know and I I saw with all the other patients and and that was like uh you know something that didn't allow me to go through with anything so uh some things can be so um difficult for us to recognize and after I recognized that and I I I I saw treatment I went for treatment you know it took me a while to take it was not that just okay now I know and uh from now on you know everything is going to be different no it's it's a whole process that I I I I I have to tell you I still deal with that until today okay now I know I improve it but it is still

uh from now on you know everything is going to be different no it's it's a whole process that I I I I I have to tell you I still deal with that until today okay now I know I improve it but it is still there so we have to be very careful and and and also very accepting and loving with our own selves because uh we it's not just a matter of saying oh come on this is so rational move on you know no every it will hurt us and and get to us in in in in different ways and and this different variations that Freud no young mentions here it's exactly that you know and sometimes we say oh I think that today I woke up bipolar no it's not just bipolar it's tripolar quadripolar going depending on how life happens we go to one place to the other yes and having to face all that many times we will prefer to be in a shell yes and and it's very important to to understand that and and thank you for sharing your story by the way it's it's very touching and very representative of why sometimes we don't know but we creating ourselves this this virtual if you will prison right we we create we imprison ourselves and We complain about it so which is just a joke here but uh uh why those prisons right and and I think it's h if I extrapolate to a view of uh the postmodern man you and I all of us here living in in this world we really fluctuate right between being completely okay to no I'm not okay I'm actually dissatisfied with this or that and in many cases that level of dissatisfaction fear hurt pain uh reaction aggression and even can go all the way to self destruction and but it's it's really important for all of us to understand that we go up and down right and we go through uh joy and fear and sadness whatever but it is really important for us to to to not lose ourselves as you mentioned not to lose our love for ourselves including Faith because if we lose that then we fall prey to a a system of mistrust right it's it's a very systemic way to look at the world with suspicion to look at the world with mistrust and

elves including Faith because if we lose that then we fall prey to a a system of mistrust right it's it's a very systemic way to look at the world with suspicion to look at the world with mistrust and look at the world with fear as a result so je do you have a sense of um what else can we do we talked about therapy talk therapy right we talked about uh some uh drug therapy um we talked about faith what else can we do what should we perhaps focus on to to build that sense of reli resilience and Reliance on ourselves to confront whatever comes at us and and whatever may be great success as well as great failures they will all come to us we have to face them so what what do you think we we can do to to to live a better life that uh we we're not so hurt and in the process of being hurt we push ourselves further into that cell that we create well of course there is not a recipe right we are or not not a short shortcut cut for things we have to do and like you said there are many things that even Joanna deangel is emphas izes in this chapter from the book The in integral human being where she mentions you know the talk therapy behavior therapy and and and medication she mentions also meditation you know a way of us getting control of ourselves but one thing that I would add and and and she mentions that as well is you know be careful is social media yes because so much pressure uh it's not necessarily I'm not talking about the bad things the bad comments that we shouldn't be reading on the first place I'm talking about the good things as well so when you take a picture of a a beautiful delicious dish and without realizing that today thank god with technology so many houses so many people have access to that and they will look at food that they will never afford themselves correct and they will look at situations like people oh if you have never tried you know going to the beach in this you know Paradise in the malas or whatever you not leave it life and all those kinds of things like oh if you

k at situations like people oh if you have never tried you know going to the beach in this you know Paradise in the malas or whatever you not leave it life and all those kinds of things like oh if you do not have this um blows from so and so it's because you know you don't know what you're missing yeah so even the the sharing of good things that are making you happy yeah we to be very mindful how to this is going to if it is not being selfish on our part yes it's very important right I'm just thinking about myself oh I want to share with the world that I have access to this or that or you know that I'm living this great moment come on we are in the middle award yes so in I I I know each one has the right to think and to do whatever they want to but I H for us that I are starting to be more conscious about that correct know remembering that we live in society and every action every word that I say may impact and may be the cause of trauma a long life trauma yeah someone else because you know you left at me school because uh I don't know I had lies and I had to have my my hair cut very short and and I mean for the rest of your life you're going to be you know that person that you know has a nickname that you you know the whole group gave you that nickname or or because you had I don't a tyroid problem and you have a raspy voice oh the rasp is coming you know it's a newness it was be so much more careful and sometimes even when we are talking about oh but they are children they do not know what they do so if they don't the Educators the parents should be talking or we should have classes on being more sensible in relation to others or meditate about the Golden Rule correct would I like if anyone would come to me and in you know before all the the disgrace that I'm living now and and do this or that there was a time that divorce at parents were a complicated thing so you would be pointed and at school all their parents divorced and you know and that's right and and it's very easy for us to place

there was a time that divorce at parents were a complicated thing so you would be pointed and at school all their parents divorced and you know and that's right and and it's very easy for us to place ourselves in the victims yeah and it to shut down ourselves to hide from the world because I don't want it to face I don't want it to get my more Hur so I will give up life I'll give living because I don't I don't want D strong anymore but you see uh one point that I we talked before Mercia and that I would like to emphasize now is do not think about yourselves only in the position of victim but in the position of someone that is victimizing some some other person with your insensible comments and and I think it's important sorry to interrupt here but it's important to what you're saying here because sometimes not even aware that we're being insensitive so I think it's important for us to just take a moment to reflect my pain points right my hurt may be so deeply buried that I do not know that I have it yet whenever you you generic you speak about it make fun of it it it may trigger a a a very difficult reaction for me that it makes sense to to isolate so victim or those who victimize the others we should both be aware of of this issue right J and and you see Merc sometimes it's not even a direct uh comment that you receive with social media if someone talks about oh my God if you're still wearing is because uh you know whatever um so you will think oh I'm still wearing jeans right not address to you yes but it will bring you shame correct because you are going to be accepting yeah uh what others are saying everything here you know uh what Angel is trying to to show us in this in this um chapter it it is a problem H it is happening much more than than we are realizing you know the this anxiety that we are going to be feeling from one one one reason or another it doesn't matter at this point just you know pinpoint the the time that was the reason where everything started

now the this anxiety that we are going to be feeling from one one one reason or another it doesn't matter at this point just you know pinpoint the the time that was the reason where everything started uh I think the main point is for us to address that and to know that this is not um a healthy habit and situation like she also says everyone will have uh anxiety one way or another for instance let me share with you a secret every time I mean it's a secret your secret with mine every time we have to you know prepare ourselves to go on air and to to to bring to you this this podcast we are all we are very anxious we are nervous because you know uh what what we are going to say it it it may have the reaction a negative reaction to someone and it's a lot of responsibility so yes we pray before we started that we can be guided not to you know to say things that either not correct in terms of especially when we are bringing um those colors the colors of the soul the spirit like Joanna deangeles that was a scholar during his her lifetime as well but other Scholars like the psychiatrist that uh the psychotherapist that commonly we mention but so we we feel anxious so anxiety is part of our emotions but they can't they have to be controlled as well and they have to we we cannot let this become a pathology correct correct and I I just wanted to to to go you know a little bit further with that right is it is there a problem wanting to be left alone you would say yes no if it's preventing you from being harmed etc etc but um um going back drawing back to some of the concepts that Joanna d'angeles brings to us in her psychological series she she brings that idea that we all of us are biosocial beings right J and it simply means that we have a a biological component as as I mentioned before when we we we become um say anxious about something there's all sorts of hormones that start to to to to lead our body to to feel this way our heart beats a different uh Rhythm so on so forth is that biological response but

say anxious about something there's all sorts of hormones that start to to to to lead our body to to feel this way our heart beats a different uh Rhythm so on so forth is that biological response but as a biosocial being we are social just like all the other animals are there mammals Etc they're social animals but we're only social animals that are also ethical that sense of ethic the sense of looking for what is the right way to behave to to to react to speak to think is is something that differentiate us especially when we use that sense of Ethics to look for what what is that is moving me right so I think when I say this I I just wanted to to remind all of us we we know we've talked about this before but remind us all all of our long journey we we start to talk about this this this journey right just but this journey toward our um e Evolution that our reaching um this notion of perfect happiness as pure individual individuated spirits and we're going to get there but we're not there yet so in knowing that it is important to understand that we may want to protect ourselves from being hurt but in order for us to contining this evolving nature of our journey this this longterm a multi-life journey we need to be exposed right we need to to to understand people be exposed to events exposed to challenges exposed to other people and and I I just wanted to to say to all of us we we we need to be reminded of this beautiful invitation to live a meaningful life right to to be open to new challenges to be to really um push ourselves to learn to understand to to look into our values to to go through all of this multi multi of chaotic complex not so easily understandable experiences that it's out there so that we can really push ourselves to be bigger broader uh expanded uh who we are so from that perspective I just say let us understand that this empty culture that we are part of it now largely driven by social media right and it it's just a state of it as that uh we we need to be very aware as

erspective I just say let us understand that this empty culture that we are part of it now largely driven by social media right and it it's just a state of it as that uh we we need to be very aware as you said J very aware on our role either as a victim or as a victimizer and knowing that many of us I would even say most of us are prone to anxiety so let us let us be the best of what we can be and and protect protect the other protect the feelings right um J any final thoughts before we close today just one thing related to how we started talking about Freedom times you know we may deceive ourselves saying you know it's my freedom of choice to just um refrain from participating that much in the world to have kind of socialization but according to what angelist explains to us this is when we are creating virtual prons to us so we lose our freedom and we are not gaining anything from it uh the richness of experiences is exactly to put yourself out there in the world and to contribute and to gather as much as you can from the different talents that that exists in the world that you can grow that you can learn in the same way that you have talents you can have things you know to teach others and this is what makes our world so much more uh you know uh beautiful and uh and and way that we can contribute to this growth so it needs our participation as much as we need to be part of it of the whole engineering you know that uh uh makes this World goes round I love it I love it h those are really good parting words from you just and I'm just saying just be who you are all of what you are and um welcome all your feelings right let's be kind to one another and uh be resilient to the ups and downs that life brings to us but with that I want to say thank you thank you for being here with us today and we'll meet again next week so long