Ep 149 - Emotional Security and Spiritual Growth in the Family

Hi everyone, welcome back. I want to say good morning, good afternoon, good evening wherever you are right now. And I want to just say welcome all of you to another episode of psychology and spirituality a bridge to a better life. These podcast is based on the works by Joanna D'Angelus and we meet weekly to explore what I call this intersection between psychology and spirituality, it's philosophy, it's science, it's um and I call it evangelical but I don't know if that's the best term that uh that religious morally um moral aspects that these conversations bring to us. Last episode we discussed something um important for all of us which is uh ASD autism spectrum disorder and I'm truly grateful that uh we were able to receive some profound insights right from um from our guest speaker on some of the challenges in the home including how we all need to be able to be prepared to to do it to the best of our efforts. Um to teach respect, patience, patience in how we communicate and of course all those moral responsibilities that we inherit and we depending on our role we have to fulfill in our homes. Today we'll continue our conversation but we're going to pivot to the topic of emotional security. So I'm so happy to have Yudi Castra with me today to talk about this topic. Yudi, how are you doing? >> I'm doing very well. Thank you so much Marcia. Hello, good evening, good morning, good afternoon to all of those who are listening or watching us. >> All right. So Judy, generally speaking, when we bring up the word home and for some it's a rather loaded word, right? So just thought from your point of view, what does usually come to mind first? Is it a place of comfort or conflict in your experience? >> I think both. That's the best answer. I think it's a mix of both. Comfort uh or conf and conflict for most people out there because family is is something that is quote unquote complicated. So we can always expect a bit of conflict and also we should expect some comfort. So I

or conf and conflict for most people out there because family is is something that is quote unquote complicated. So we can always expect a bit of conflict and also we should expect some comfort. So I think the answer or the gradation of each will depend on whoever you're asking. But I think that's a great question, the two C's, comfort and conflict. And I think it's a little bit uh of both. >> Yeah. And and I you know when I'm thinking right now and I'm thinking to myself um I see how for some and it depends on the period of your life right as a a youth or teenagers it may be something different than perhaps at my age but uh um it is the sense of home as a refuge right but at the same time we can see and I'm sure you with you experience you can see more than I do. Home is this place where we project or we mirror um the parts of ourselves that I really don't want to see it. Right? So from that perspective, Yodi Jonah the angels reminds us that the family is you know and I would say very specifically so home is not only a social necessity and she's she used those words right and she says it's a divine opportunity and you say Marcier explain more right what what does she what does she say and she's basically telling us that uh the Family where home is intrinsically related is the place where our souls rehearse the lessons of love also the lessons of uh patience forgiveness and even service as a mother especially of young children right and I'm talking mother for me uh we we we do have the duty to serve to prioritize the little being human being that is has been uh entrusted to us and um but we can think that uh as you said every relationship Yudi every tension every even uh I guess um sense of care or love or affection >> right it has that spiritual purpose so the question for all of us to think about it is do we and as a rhetoric question here. Do we recognize the lessons behind the experience we've been through in our whole lives? Right. And >> yeah, it's a it's a great question,

s to think about it is do we and as a rhetoric question here. Do we recognize the lessons behind the experience we've been through in our whole lives? Right. And >> yeah, it's a it's a great question, Marcia, because I think a lot of the times >> we may just go through life without reflecting too much on these things and or without without reflecting too much on >> uh what am I doing here? What am I doing here with these people? What's you know what's my relationship or perhaps previous relationship if we consider the immortality of the soul >> what's what was my previous relationship with this person >> why are they you know like in on my way or on the way with me on this way of of regeneration on this way of >> evolution cuz like you said very well it is and Joanna says it and other authors also say how it's the family or like the reincarnation is this singular opport opportunity. It's a blessing that we receive and there is a reason why we have the people around us, why we have the the people that we are born into or we end up becoming part of. So, it's very important for us to always have that in mind, I think, as we're thinking of uh the reflections and as we're thinking of what is it that I need to still quote unquote solve with this person or reconcile with this person, what lessons >> can I learn from that person? because we're all in in the same boat called Earth. So therefore, I can always learn something from those people and I can always teach something and and serve them and help them as well. >> Yeah, >> that's my view. I don't know what you think. >> No, I love it. I I love what you're saying. And uh I may have mentioned to you before because it's a long drawn out, but I'm watching a series from Korea. Did I say that to you last time we met? >> No. What series? No, it's it's cute. It's really cute. It's almost for young teenagers uh or even younger. It's called uh See Me in My 19th Life. >> Oh, wow. No, haven't seen. >> Yeah. So, it's very interesting, very

No, it's it's cute. It's really cute. It's almost for young teenagers uh or even younger. It's called uh See Me in My 19th Life. >> Oh, wow. No, haven't seen. >> Yeah. So, it's very interesting, very beautiful, well-crafted, beautiful cinematography, very slow, [laughter] but uh so she remembers this this character. She remembers all her lives, but she comes back and she's just in love with this guy from that she was a kid with and she does everything. I mean, she just stalks him in the new life, the the 19th life, right? And they were together in the 18th. Spoiler alert, if you're going to watch it, just close your, you know, just do not listen. But as we're getting to the tail end of the of the the series, Yuri, it's very interesting. She finds out finally after hours and hours of of watching the series when they get together, the guy and the girl, right? And they he finally gets convinced that she was the reincarnation of this girl that he was in love with. She remembers her first life. I was going to say the other lives. Yeah. [laughter] >> So, we're talking about a thousand years together, right? So, she remembers that she killed him. All right. And it was right at the moment that when they're about to get together, it comes that memory of her actually, you know, getting a knife and killing him. And he he dies in her arms. And uh and I just find it quite interesting because you know uh in in the multiplicity of lives uh when we talk about immortality of the soul um we can see that those that we love today at some point may have been somebody that there was some sort of friction. Right? So those encounters are very explicit and there's a reason for us to to to love is conquers all. Right? So that's that's not the movie. I'm just saying when we're talking here, it it it just it came to my mind um this little series. But >> but it also has to do with, you know, like you're saying reincarnation and how we've been connected somehow and we don't we have the veil of forgetfulness.

ame to my mind um this little series. But >> but it also has to do with, you know, like you're saying reincarnation and how we've been connected somehow and we don't we have the veil of forgetfulness. So we don't necessarily thank God remember everything that we did to those around us or everything that they did to us. And so >> when you asked about comfort or conflict, I think a lot of the times the conflict can come from this this >> dormant part of us that understands that that person may have done something to us in the past probably has or vice versa. And therefore if you think of people being different and the difference is already creating conflict let's say in society imagine now in a place where it's a microcosm of society as we said in the the previous episode. >> Mhm. >> And these people have a history together of maybe 18 lives just like the character from the [laughter] the one you mentioned a thousand years of reincarnations under different roles. Father, daughter, son, brother, sister, mother. Yeah, >> wife, husband. So that's why I think there's the comfort and and there's also conflict a lot of the times. Sometimes it's more of one or the other, >> but we always have to keep in mind that one, there's no nobody is mistakenly putting their addresses as far as like reincarnation goes. >> That's a very important thing. Everyone here, listen to Yudi, right? Uh and I say that Yudi because I' I've seen as as kids, right? They say I did not ask to be born. I didn't ask to be your child. And spiritism is very explicit about saying yes you did. Yes. You each one of us you right. Each one of us have chosen to be exactly where you are. Right. >> And we are exactly where we need to be. So that's the other piece >> side of it. Yes. Yeah. Because we can ask for something, but if it's not in line with, you know, with what we need in that moment in our re like in our lives as mortal spirits, >> not necessarily going to get it. But if we're here, it's because we asked and

but if it's not in line with, you know, with what we need in that moment in our re like in our lives as mortal spirits, >> not necessarily going to get it. But if we're here, it's because we asked and it's because we are exactly where we need to be with exactly those people that we need to be with. So that that's something that >> is very important when we're talking about >> family, about conflict, about comfort, security, you know, emotional security and spiritual growth within this microcosm of the society. >> Yeah. One little another aspect and this is just in passing here. Um at the beginning of the series, uh the little girl, she was still a girl, right? Uh the father is an alcoholic. The mother leaves because she cannot take a physical abuse, right? The the brother is just imitating the father. So, it's really difficult. And this little girl, I mean, she was like seven or eight, and she goes looks at the camera, she says, "This is going to be a hard life." And [clears throat] then she says, "Ah, no. I once was born during a war was much harder." So, sometimes [laughter] having that that really, you know, relative view of life may be helpful. But anyways, let's go back to to to the idea because I wanted to hear from you. Um maybe we can talk a little bit about how the family as a unit as a nor as a institution perhaps is this moral and emotional foundation for all of us, right? Can we maybe uh talk about it? >> Yeah, absolutely. It's everything stems from our relationships. what we're learn speaking now as a son right as as the son or daughter >> everything comes from this these early relationships these early attachments and there is plenty of research in the field of clinical psychology or developmental psychology to be more precise >> that talks about the the importance of these emotional ties and you know secure uh secure ties to family figures particularly you know mom and dad and things like that >> in the development in the emotional development of the human being and the

emotional ties and you know secure uh secure ties to family figures particularly you know mom and dad and things like that >> in the development in the emotional development of the human being and the the first years of life are very very critical, >> very important to uh focus on those and provide the best environment possible because that is as you said very well the word foundation that is the foundation >> of this emotional um construction that the individual will have it's itself or him or herself therefore as they grow >> that's going to come from the family. The same thing with the morals and the moral foundation is a little later than the emotional. But at the same time, once the child begins to understand, begins to like see what what is mommy doing? What is daddy doing? Is daddy stealing? Is daddy you know is mommy lying to daddy? Is you know they start to see the behaviors and mimic they will mimic them. They will learn them. Doesn't matter what the parents say. You shouldn't you shouldn't do this. They go and they do it. the child will will think, "Oh, okay. So, I can do it as well cuz my heroes do it. They're my models. So, I can do it as well." >> And and and I'm thinking here, Yudi, because um when we when we think at least that's how I see it, uh neuroscience, right? And uh how it confirms that uh perhaps those uh um can we call it maybe habits, right? emotional habits such as empathy or emotional intelligence, right? Empathy, patience, etc. How those are an imprint as you mentioned from those heroes and models that they that we as children see at home. um and how they are perhaps also encoded in that repetition. Meaning uh if I impatient once and impatient 900 times, the child will learn impatience, right? And and so on so forth. So it's almost like let's let's be very careful not to lie about who we are, right? and and pretend to be what we're not. But to to see that whatever we do, there is that echo, if you will, in that child that is still in

let's let's be very careful not to lie about who we are, right? and and pretend to be what we're not. But to to see that whatever we do, there is that echo, if you will, in that child that is still in development, as you said, that emotional uh development. >> Repetition is key as well. So, as as if you want to be a good model, just make sure you're doing it consistently and not just once, you know, >> once every year or something like >> and it's important as well. right or whatever Christmas I'll be a good person. [laughter] Yeah. >> No, but it's it's important to to notice that you know this emotional foundation or you know the emotional security that we get from a healthy home environment. >> This emotional foundation and development is extremely extremely important. It's even uh we can even see that in foster care children. So children who go through the foster care system in the United States here, >> we can actually see that emotional and there's studies that done that >> emotional intelligence is a better predictor of happiness and and success in life afterwards than IQ. So they could be as smart as they as you know as it can be. If they are emotionally intelligent, meaning knowing their emotions, knowing how to read other people's emotions, processing those emotions themselves, it's it's a better predictor of success and happiness later on in life than IQ, just being extremely uh smart. >> Yeah. And you're saying something we can see that even with foster care children. Um can you maybe talk a little bit more about it, Yodi, >> in terms of that uh emotional security? So these are children and the foster care children is a great example because these are these are children who grow up in these uh foster care environments here in the United States. >> So transient from one to the other. Yeah. It's actually a research that I'm an author of, but it's why that's how that's that's why like my mind went there because it's it's such an interesting piece because it's a transient

the other. Yeah. It's actually a research that I'm an author of, but it's why that's how that's that's why like my mind went there because it's it's such an interesting piece because it's a transient environment with like with uh their role models or people that sometimes may be there for 6 months and they leave which are the workers of these environments. So emotionally speaking, they they try to grasp >> at whatever role model they can find and they learn these things from all the other children that are there and also all the other adults that are working there which is very like you said very well very transient because sometimes they may have the little >> brother that they they like that the per the brother leaves because it's adopted or the worker leaves. So there's a lot of >> instability if we think of emotional attachment in those children. And then we still see that those who develop emotionally they tend to do better as when they become alumni meaning when they leave the foster care system >> then those who are just extremely smart but did not understand emotions or uh had empathy and things like that as you said. >> Yeah. And I I I I know a family um that adopted uh two kids. Actually, they were already parents of four and the mother adopted two additional kids, Yuri. And the first of the two uh was a child that um I they think he was already three years old with the body of a 9-month-old. So you can start thinking of malnutrition etc. right um from the orphanage and uh this mother uh was really having great challenges because the child cried and cried and cried for hours at a time and it took years until she could establish a bond. And to my mind, and I mentioned this to her, by the way, by the way, the child is well. The family's together, and the child is now, I believe, in college doing extremely well, a young athlete. He's he's got it. But it was so difficult for that family because this little child disrupted everything in the family. But they were firm in providing

n college doing extremely well, a young athlete. He's he's got it. But it was so difficult for that family because this little child disrupted everything in the family. But they were firm in providing a space of love and care and consistency as you mentioned in in ensuring that child felt held, felt there. And I often wonder, Yodi, I have no basis to say that, but I often wondered at the time when she was talking about this to me, if the child was somehow pushing the new parents because baby as he was, he had been abandoned too many times. I don't know. [laughter] So, it's a it was a difficult time for this this family, right? >> Oh, man. I'm glad the kid is doing good. They're both. >> Oh, extremely well. Goodlook. He's awesome. Really? I've seen photos of him like, "Yeah, this is great. >> That's good." [laughter] >> Yeah. So, so we talked about the family family relationships are not by accident. Including foster families. Yeah. Including adopted children in the adopted families. It's it's very interesting. There's a lot from a uh spiritual perspective we that we see that. Is there anything else maybe that you can add about this intentional experience that is designed for all that is part of the family unit to to grow individually but also collectively >> and and that's why in my first answer when I of today I mentioned the family we're born into or the family we become a part of because a lot of the times >> we may not be born by blood into a family but we're def we definitely become a part of it and it's still it's still matters the same. So what matters is >> how you're created and to develop these emotional uh attachments in the these emotional bonds. Even if >> the person is adopted, it's still there's still a a a purpose behind that because again, yeah, >> God is infinitely good and fair and loving and merciful. So if these things are happening, >> there must be for a reason out of love. Even if it seems that there's first at first there is suffering. We don't know

itely good and fair and loving and merciful. So if these things are happening, >> there must be for a reason out of love. Even if it seems that there's first at first there is suffering. We don't know the story or the backstory we can say of that specific spirit >> that was in a foster care home but now has found a family who knows what has happened in the past you know. >> Yeah. >> So it's very important to keep in mind that >> as these families form the adopted ones the biological ones doesn't matter as the family unit will be this microcosm as as they other authors say of redemptive experiences. Doesn't matter if you're born into or not. if you're born into is just a more direct way. I guess that's how I see it than an indirect way. Like you you you took a you took a side road, but you still ended up in that same family on the main road versus you're already traveling >> in that road, but at the same time, everybody is on that same road as far as family members and marching towards progress together, you know. >> Yeah. Yeah. I I I was at uh listening to a a discussion um just yesterday uh and the title of that discussion um it was a call to action and it it it was very interesting um because that um that u uh it is of course available on YouTube but that somewhere memory of that was that uh we love our spouse, we love our children, we love our family members and the call to action was to broaden right once we already learn how to love. Let's broaden our um our love towards the other. And of course, we can speak about this for hours. Um, to me it's always the definition of who's the other. That comes back to Jesus, right? The other is your neighbor. The other is him, Jesus. The other is uh anyone outside of you. Um, but uh uh as I'm I'm here talking to you, I'm thinking perhaps not. Perhaps the call to action is let's start with our family, right? Let's start doing those things to our families so that we this laboratory if you will of love and care or responsibility

perhaps not. Perhaps the call to action is let's start with our family, right? Let's start doing those things to our families so that we this laboratory if you will of love and care or responsibility can then be scaled to all others. Right. >> Yes. And it makes me think too of you know Alan Kardak in the gospel according to spiritism for instance where he talks about honoring uh your father and your mother like the the commandments >> saying how can you how can you uh uh go and try to honor everybody else but not honor your your your parents you know but not >> correct >> provide them with with that. So like we all everything basically starts there. It's it starts in the home and from the home >> we expand from the outside from the outer society and like other people as well. But at the same time, how can we try to be loving to some to some my neighbor if I don't love my my parents or my sons or my wife or >> if I'm a tyrant at home, but I'm very nice outside of the home. So like how is that >> how is that, you know, >> applying or or these teachings? How is that getting any better on my dayto-day? It's not because we must start within these microcosm again this word this microcosm of redemptive experiences that is the home the family. >> Yeah. Yeah. I I I love what you said. Uh there are so many stories fiction or not but there's stories about uh exemplary um individuals let's say at work or even uh the places of uh faith right that come home and they're tyrants they are terrible people in the home and and and that's almost uh Dr. Jackekal Mr. hide uh idea of different personalities is is is is difficult to even imagine but it happens quite a lot and uh and I think what we're talking about here is that we should be all align we should be authentic to who you are >> and uh and if you are Mr. hide. Let's say let's look for support and help so that you can continue continuously be Dr. Jack and this is of course a judgment call but uh I'm just saying let us all be aligned to authentic to our

hide. Let's say let's look for support and help so that you can continue continuously be Dr. Jack and this is of course a judgment call but uh I'm just saying let us all be aligned to authentic to our authentic selves all the time right >> and it's easy to understand too Marcy if you think about it just real quick why some people might be tyrants in the home but like mistreat people in the home but not those outside because >> again it's very easy for me to be to be charitable with a stranger to to lend a shoulder to somebody that I never met or somebody who has some sympathy for me for for whatever reason striking my ego like oh yeah let me let me help you but the person that's with me that I've had had and I want to use the same example 18 different reincarnations with >> that is harder because there's almost like this innate you know antagonistic feeling that arises so it becomes way harder for me to be loving and be charitable with the person that's sleeping on the same bed as me or or living on the same roof a lot of the times than the person outside who has nothing to do with me. There's no previous history, you know. >> Yeah. Actually, I was um trying to remember a quote by Charles Busk Buscowski, right? The writer that uh talking about exactly what you said. It's so much easier to treat you nicely if I don't know you. Because when I know you with all the flaws and all the the incoherent uh I'm here today and I'm not there, etc., etc. It it that baggage that we all bring in the family, it may be the reason why it's much easier to be nice or charitable to the unknown, right? But uh but it is interesting as you said it's a laboratory uh and it's it's where we need to learn to to to learn in love right and uh and as as we mentioned before as intentional spiritual experience meaning our relationships in the home are not random they're not accidental they have been carefully designed to help us grow, right? So from that perspective, we need to to start to view I I don't know,

ning our relationships in the home are not random they're not accidental they have been carefully designed to help us grow, right? So from that perspective, we need to to start to view I I don't know, Yuri, I don't know if what you think, but maybe push ourselves or move ourselves at a distance from that moment that we're going through to kind of understand better perhaps why is this happening to me, right? >> Yeah. And also I I I always say this, you know, before trying to fix the world and like going outside and trying to do all these a million charitable things, look in the home. What what are you doing everything that you can? Are you truly being your best self in the home first? >> Yes. It's the biggest mission. >> Yes. Then you can then you can expand and try to do outside because otherwise you're going to be failing a mission here because I can be helping a lot of people out there but if I'm mistreating my own sons, my wife, my parents like >> Yeah. How am I progressing? You know, what am I doing? I'm just acquiring new debts >> for a new life, for another reincarnation, for the 20th reincarnation to get back to the with that person again under on a different role and have to go through all these things again. The opportunity of the time is something that, you know, once it passes, it passes. We must make the best of what we have right now. That includes the people that we're with right now. >> Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Beautifully said. Beautifully said. I I I think it's it's important for us to also think in terms of um the balance between love, affection and discipline, right? >> And uh and and I think it's really critical. Maybe we can talk more about it where uh discipline without love becomes I don't know an authoritarian tyrannical way of treating but love without discipline may not prepare >> our children uh ourselves to to to be successful in life. What are your thoughts? Yeah, it it the idea I love that you brought that because it's like love love with discipline, you know, and we must

> our children uh ourselves to to to be successful in life. What are your thoughts? Yeah, it it the idea I love that you brought that because it's like love love with discipline, you know, and we must be able to be disciplined and also those who are parents to discipline the children but always with love and with honesty because if we're just disciplinarians and we don't do that with love with honesty we're authoritarian. We're we're just >> dictators. But if we just let everything flow through, no discipline whatsoever, >> that can become subservience as well. And that can create children who don't know that the world has limits that that children who don't know that don't know that um there are rules they must obey. There are expectations they must meet from societal norms. >> So it's it's the I'm I'm citing like the two ends of the spectrum to understand that there must be discipline out of love. There must be discipline >> because we as and I'm talking about as parents you know in the role of a father now >> we must teach them discipline in the best way that we can with honesty and with love not just let everything happen and spoil them and don't don't give it give them any consequences and things like that. >> Yeah. And it's funny if you think about it, both of us were born in a different country and are have been transplanted for different reasons to a different country, right? And uh one way um that is quite interesting because I don't know if if if you went through the same thing, but for me it it is the question of uh understanding different human laws, right? is human but different laws, different systems culturally accepted systems of obedience and respect for the collective that it's starkly different from what I was raised. But having those two together makes you expand uh on that idea that it's important to have discipline. It's important to I think to learn to respect. The word that comes to my mind is is is respect, right? Understanding there are rules

you expand uh on that idea that it's important to have discipline. It's important to I think to learn to respect. The word that comes to my mind is is is respect, right? Understanding there are rules that may not be really something that you accepted perhaps because culturally speaking you never had that rule, but there is a reason behind all of it. One of the first things that I I saw that was very interesting to me, and it's a silly uh example, but I'm going to give it anyways. But the first thing that I saw was uh wait, I can go to a gas station, pump my own gas, and then pay. Who does it without just leaving? Just little things like that. That was a a a stark contrast. But trust, right? Trust and and discipline leads to in in terms of I'm talking about society, a much faster society because you don't have to wait in line for another person to to pump your gas. You can just keep going and go much faster. Right. >> Yeah. And and as as we talking about know family and children again if you don't teach them discipline or the importance of discipline or respecting family values and things like that >> you're going to be raising them to be unsuccessful out there because the societ societyy's not going to forgive. The other people are not going to forgive. Their bosses are not going to forgive. Their colleagues >> the schoolmates are not going to forgive. The teachers are not going to forgive. So >> how are you know how is how is there's no life without discipline. We must coexist and in order to do that we must follow certain rules >> and having the discipline meaning teaching the our children the rules teaching our teenagers the rules to follow that even if they become very upset it's extremely important because they must learn to follow those and deal with frustrations of hey sometimes you're not going to like what it is but you still have to do it anyways. >> Yeah. Yeah. And uh so we're we're talking about the discipline that leads to trust collectively speaking. But um

y sometimes you're not going to like what it is but you still have to do it anyways. >> Yeah. Yeah. And uh so we're we're talking about the discipline that leads to trust collectively speaking. But um let's think perhaps uh about uh uh trust, transparency and communication in the family. Um Yudi uh we see that perhaps that when trust and loyalty and loyalty means um in the home would means I I'm here. Let's say I'm a teenager, right? And and I want to experiment. But there are norms and the norms may be you don't go out without telling me where you are or there is a curfew, you have to be back by then, etc., etc., right? So when trust and loyalty are not present, we start to see that stable foundation that the family provides start to to crack and destabilize. So um any thoughts on how we can perhaps cultivate that authentic sense of trust within a family? >> Well Joanna talks about honest communication. So honest dialogue, honest communication. So that is I think a very key element in this discussion Marcia where we're where where we are uh >> trying to help you know f foster this harmony but also help our children our teenagers understand how things work because if we just like I said if we just start setting discipline and rules and this and that you must obey because I'm telling you so it's going to be a point where that doesn't and very quick that point is going to come very fast by the way where it's not going to fly. We need to be able to understand instead of being impatient and just saying because I said so, because I'm your father. Trying to explain to them and and having the patience to teach them why it's important for you to go to sleep at a certain time, why it's important for you to do your homework, to brush your teeth, >> and not just saying because I told you so. >> Because at some point, that's not going to fly. They're going to question. And if we don't question, I mean, if they don't question you, they're going to go outside and experiment. They're going to

>> Because at some point, that's not going to fly. They're going to question. And if we don't question, I mean, if they don't question you, they're going to go outside and experiment. They're going to try. >> Yeah. uh no just as I'm thinking teenagers now so like not having that open >> channel of communication which is something that's very important the open channel of communication where honest conversations can flow I think that's one of the yeah >> the key elements here what do you think >> yeah no I think it's it's super important right um I if I reference a the Bible right where Matthew says let your yes be yes Right. Uh I I keep thinking that uh it's all about that communication with vulnerability. Right. I I'm not uh at some point my child and we're talking about a a three-year-old, four year old. I was your superhero. Right now, my teenage child uh right uh you're you're becoming an adult. So let's be vulnerable but let's be be very uh transparent in our communication and I I keep thinking that honest emotional expression even I am angry I am disappointed I right all the things that you as a parent are expressing with your more difficult child let's say uh that ability to to bring forth should be able to uh reduce stress, right? And uh and also increase that sense of empathy between you and your child. And and so I think spiritually I I could imagine that transparency is truth in action. Like charity is love in action, right? Transparency is spiritual speaking is truth in action. What are your thoughts? >> I love that transparency is truth in action. And we must be transparent and understand that we're also flawed. We're also vulnerable. Our children will see that even if we try to hide and it's best that it comes from us saying like, "Hey, >> I'm sad right now, you know, or I'm anxious. I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid of that." That's like having that communication with them is much much better to foster the what we were talking about before the emotional

ow, you know, or I'm anxious. I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid of that." That's like having that communication with them is much much better to foster the what we were talking about before the emotional development, the emotional intelligence of our children or of our teenager. Having that >> honest channel of communication because it goes both ways. Once they don't trust you or or they don't think you trust them, they're not gonna trust you. And then they're not gonna bring you their problems. And then all of a sudden, >> you're you're you have to deal with a much bigger issue because they weren't honest with you from the start because >> they grew up seeing you being dishonest with them. >> Yeah. And it's it's uh in in that moral compass of ours that it's hard to say, "Oh, this is right. this is how you no this is all uh embedded in how we we we understand what life is all about uh then those pockets of dishonesty is perfectly perfectly okay and we didn't know any better right sometimes but anyways let's pretend now let's pivot to perhaps I only have time for one more discussion here yudi is uh maybe thinking about um the black sheep of our families and I think every family has one and uh and those are the ones that rebel those are the ones that are just difficult and uh how can we deal with that family member who is a disruptor right it's everybody's okay but there's this one for whatever reason for different reasons right are the dis disruptors how can we uh deal with them What are your thoughts? >> Love, you know, love, love them for understanding that they are also flawed as we are. >> They also deserve love and compassion. They also deserve the attention. >> They probably have their reasons. You know, we don't know what we did last, you know, previous incarnations, much less what other the other person did. >> Yeah. We don't know what struggles they're going through, but it's definitely it's obvious and evident that if they are on the way with us, >> we have a role to play there. That's the

r person did. >> Yeah. We don't know what struggles they're going through, but it's definitely it's obvious and evident that if they are on the way with us, >> we have a role to play there. That's the main thing I think people need to realize. If >> if they are, doesn't matter if it's my brother, my you know, my cousin, my dad, my mom, my son, whoever that may be, >> if they are on their way with me, >> means I have something that I can do for them and I should do for them. >> Yeah. I I remember somebody in my family, the black sheep. The black sheep and it turned out to with as a as an older person turned out to be the most compassionate, giving, generous, um almost the glue of the entire family. So it's it's an interesting point, right? We don't know. We don't know what is the pain point that that spirit is suffering as a child as a young adult etc. Right? And it can be a trauma, it can be phobias, it can be some uh shall I call it karmic um bonds of the past. But uh love is the answer, right? >> Love is always the answer. And if we turn our our you know if we turn them away or if we don't help them even though they are there in our family >> how can we say that we >> we did everything that we could how can we actually you know say that we helped everyone that we could because we didn't and we we always have responsibility I think Marcia we always have something that we can do for those people understanding as well >> with a compassionate look that they have their own struggles and >> if If I turn if I turn away from them, what I'm doing is I'm judging them because I'm saying, "You're not good enough. You don't deserve my attention. So, I'm just going to >> turn it somewhere else and you do you, I do me." Then what? >> How can I say >> I was a good Christian? You know, how can I say it was >> absolutely it goes back all the way to that, right? To to how can I judge myself? I was not what I was called forth. uh Socrates I believe he said that to no one heirs willingly right

I say it was >> absolutely it goes back all the way to that, right? To to how can I judge myself? I was not what I was called forth. uh Socrates I believe he said that to no one heirs willingly right which means uh I may make a mistake but it's out of uh lack of awareness or ignorance or or even a a painoint that I carry with me not intentional and I truly believe that in all of our uh ideas and I I think especially uh regarding divor divorce, right? No one willingly sets their lives to say, >> Yeah. >> Right. You say, "I want to marry." No, I want to get divorced. No, >> no. Nobody says, "I want to marry because I know I'm going to get divorced in 10 years and I'm it's going to be an emotional wreck and financial financial wreck. >> Nobody does that, you know. It's >> No. >> And I think the same way, right? I don't wake up say, I'm gonna really upset Yudi or whomever, right?" No, we may and we do often, but it's out of our um imperfections, right? We we're still evolving and we have many many ways that we commit blunders and and uh mistaken choices etc etc. So we also need to forgive and forgive ourselves and uh be compassionate right Yuri compassion really is one form to one tool to perhaps regulate our emotional and spiritual imbalances. Right. >> Absolutely. Compassion because it it stems from love again. Everything everything goes back to love. So having that compassionate look to that person and thinking >> they're the quote unquote black sheep. They're they're struggling. They don't like they don't like to struggle. They don't like being unhappy. They don't like being >> uh like in living in revolt. >> They're struggling for a reason. Can I help them? If so, how? And then just >> just help them. That's why something I think spiritism bring, which is this sense of responsibility. Now we know. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Now we know. So now there's no way for us to say, "Hey, I didn't know that we could have had other lives and this person is >> going through this issue, you know." No,

. Now we know. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Now we know. So now there's no way for us to say, "Hey, I didn't know that we could have had other lives and this person is >> going through this issue, you know." No, now we know. So we must do something with that knowledge. >> Absolutely. So uh Yudi, I I keep thinking that every home, right? Uh you you talked about the microcosm, right? That it's a miniature uh society. It's the mini social um environment. So every gesture of love within that family unit really contributes to how the entire uh world becomes better right so I I would just say for all of us let us let us observe at a minimum right let's maybe this week let's observe how is my home how is that uh uh if I had a barometer of the emotional climate Are we a zero? Are we a 10 out of 10? Where are we? And um and I would say let's pick one small thing that I can do to put that barometer higher than what it sits right now. Is it an apology? Is it just being gentle with our words? Is it a moment that you just come here, let's sit down, let's uh I don't know, eat popcorn, watch a movie together, whatever, right? Let us think about what can I do specifically to enhance that environment. And finally, right, let us use all the tools. And Joanna is awesome. She gives us an entire toolkit for how to enhance our home life. starts with prayer, meditation, visualization, right? There's a and and uh he as needed therapy as well. But before we close, what are your thoughts before we say goodbye today? >> I I think the sense of responsibility and understanding that you know emotional security, spiritual growth, all those things begin in the family. It is the solid foundation of the building of life of the building of you know the soul. So we must definitely pay more attention to our role in this foundation. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. Um so right she she Joanna teaches so many good things and uh and I'd say um some key ideas that she brings to us is uh let's guide as you said uh with love with respect

on. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. Um so right she she Joanna teaches so many good things and uh and I'd say um some key ideas that she brings to us is uh let's guide as you said uh with love with respect with affection and balance discipline. We talked about it today and uh uh remember that uh um we all play a part in in an emotional presence right and contributing to that foundational um emotional security and most importantly joy. Let us have a room an environment to for joy right to of laughter or of happiness. And we also talked about trust, openness, um dialogues. They will ensure uh and preserve harmony and prevent conflicts from festering if you will. So uh let us all remember finally that every family member even the most difficult one plays a role in our spiritual uh growth and uh development. So with that I just want to say thank you so much Yudi. Uh what a what a pleasure talking to you. Thank you everyone who's here with us today. And if this is the first time you're listening to a program, always remember, the psychology and spirituality weekly talks are based on the works by Joanna D'Angelus. And uh we hope this discussion has helped you better understand your family and if you are the black sheep, [laughter] all right, what and how you contribute to the family growth. I'm just getting here everyone. But I want to also thank you uh give thanks to all of our sponsors, the United States Spiritist Federation, the International Spiritist Council, and I'm in Brazil, the Brazilian arm of the Global Medical Spiritist Association. Yodi, thank you so much and we'll see you next time. Thanks everyone. So long. >> Thank you. See you next time.