Ep 145 - Teaching Love: The Foundation of Human Peace

Hi everyone, welcome dear friends. Welcome Yuri Castro to another episode of psychology and spirituality where we explore today the deep meaning point right uh Yodi between spiritualist psychology I'm sorry spiritist philosophy spiritualist psychology science and all in between when we discuss many different topics just as a reference uh last episode we discussed asked why we chose our families, right? So, we chose them and um how family bones serve as a school for emotional growth and moral awakening. And in doing so, they invite us to reflect on how love heals conflicts, especially those inherited conflicts. But uh Yudi, how are you doing today? It's so so good to have you back to our podcast and uh just wanted to see how's everything on your end. >> Thank you so much, Marcia. Hello. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, whenever and wherever you are. Yes, thank you so much. Everything is great here, Marcia. How about you? >> That's good. Very good indeed. But anyways, Yudi, um the plan today is for us to to take that reflection that perhaps started last episode, but to go a little bit further. And uh we do this by uh doing a deeper dive into our role not as teachers but as teachers of love. And uh it's very interesting because Joanna D'Angelus uh has uh through her work invited us to understand that uh the peace of the world begins in how we educate, how we love and how we shape our children's souls, right? So it's a it's I can always almost listen to a song with those words. But anyways, um I I thought before we begin, I I could just have an opening reflection to all of us um in terms of uh if every act of violence, and this comes from Joanna D'Angelus, by the way, but if every act of violence is born from an uneducated emotion, then peace must be born from an educated heart. Right? So the question for us is what kind of education are each one of us offering right and and it doesn't have to be our children it can be our friends our uh uh family members uh our you know

art. Right? So the question for us is what kind of education are each one of us offering right and and it doesn't have to be our children it can be our friends our uh uh family members uh our you know whomever but what kind of education we're offering are we only focusing and this is big for western civilization or western society today Right? Are we only training our intellect or are we educating to shape our soul? Right? So >> yeah, >> now that we reflected on this, no answer here needed, but uh I wanted to to to say um Yudi that Joanna also tells us that the peace of the world depends on the education of children, right? So she she does this very explicitly uh peace education and of course of children and I find this to be quite a profound statement because uh again she's not referring to formal education did you go to MIT Harvard Ivy League school right she's really talking about something that somehow we take it for granted which is that emotional ethical and spiritual education and all of them begin at home. What you what can you talk about this when Joanna says that the home is this sublime school of human dignity? >> That's an excellent uh reflection, Marcia, because as we talked before in a in a previous episode, how you know family is the first school and what do we do at school? we learn things. >> So it's the first place that we're going to be learning and it's >> dare say the most important place of all as the works from Joanna Gangelus are going to tell us how like you said you know the sublime school of human dignity. So that's the place where we will as parents help shape childhood like children you know like like little human beings. >> Yeah. And as children we were shaped as well. So it is the the first school because that's the first place we're learning. >> And it's also this sublime school of um of human dignity because that's where we learn moral development. That's where we learn you mentioned know ethical and like things that will carry throughout

>> And it's also this sublime school of um of human dignity because that's where we learn moral development. That's where we learn you mentioned know ethical and like things that will carry throughout our lives that will echo throughout adulthood that childhood is the base is the >> the the most you know important uh point in development of the human being because that's where everything kind of like develops and we see the echoes of those developments later on in adulthood when people that unfortunately have had traumatic ch uh childhood or people who have had a lot of issues growing up or were brought up with the wrong set of morals, let's call it. We're going to see that reflected >> when they become adults, how they behave >> as individuals and how they behave in society. And that connects directly with peace. >> Absolutely. And I'm thinking right at a at a I'm thinking you have very young children so I'm I could say but but but I you know I have a one-year-old how can I teach and and in my thought process here if [snorts] you even um dumb it down if you will right parents all of us uh we teach even through our daily attitude ood, right? Are we grumpy all the time? Do we are we over dramatic? Do we overreact? But at that young age, uh the the age of your children even the tone of voice, right? And uh how conflicts are handled by me. So I think uh from that perspective, you I'd love to hear your thoughts. This how I am is imprinted in how they become my children. So we are now asked we're called upon becoming our children's first model of ethics and love. Right. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. I I have to say this is a personal note that I'm not proud not a proud moment at all. But uh when my child who's now an adult, right, uh was maybe four [laughter] and uh and of course my native tongue, my native language is Portuguese. I was living in this country for a very short period of time and uh and uh whenever I was and I did not realize I was doing this but whenever I was really angry I

ue, my native language is Portuguese. I was living in this country for a very short period of time and uh and uh whenever I was and I did not realize I was doing this but whenever I was really angry I would just start pacing and outer words in not so good or nice words in Portuguese and I just go oh so my daughter's [laughter] teacher came to me one day and she said can you tell me and she uttered those words fanatically speaking. What [laughter] does it mean? Because your daughter just keeps doing ex and that's when it just, you know, it floored me. Oh my goodness, right? I am so happy that happened so I could be very present and and look at myself in those moments when you you lose you know you lose your your ability to to manage in a better way conflicts or whatever daytoday issues >> and but I thank you for sharing that Marcy I'll share one as well [laughter] because after all we are we are still learning we're still growing we're still imperfect you know from the spiritual >> standpoint so with And I'll I'll preface by saying what I learned in my doctor degree with a professor from child psychology. He said that more is caught than uh taught. So with children, meaning they >> caught in the past tense, right? So they catch more from observing you than from what you're actually telling them. So if you're preaching something >> over and over and over, but you're doing the opposite or you're doing something that it's completely different than what you're preaching, rest assured your child will do whatever it is that you're doing because as you said perfectly well, those uh could be parents, grandparents, whoever. Those who take the role of of the the care, you know, the caretakers, the caregivers, those who raise the children, those are the role models. And by role model means they will look up to you. They will try to, like you said, imitate you when you're doing like the huffing and puffing and saying, not not such elevated words in Portuguese. [laughter] Your four-year-old pick picked up on

you. They will try to, like you said, imitate you when you're doing like the huffing and puffing and saying, not not such elevated words in Portuguese. [laughter] Your four-year-old pick picked up on that, you know, and I I had >> I had a sit a similar situation. I'll share as well, you know, because again, we are imperfect. So, let's please remember that. >> Yes, please. >> But I when I get very very very upset to the point like very very upset, I usually punch the table. So, like I do a fist and I punch the table. >> And one day I saw my son, my my two-year-old son doing that >> and I'm like, "Wow, he he barely seen me do he has seen me do that." But even at such an early age, >> he he made a fist and he punched the tip exactly like me. And my wife just looked at me and I said, "Yeah, that's that one is on me. It's for me to be more vigilant." But more is caught than taught. Doesn't matter if I tell him you can't punch the table when you're upset. If he sees me doing it, he will do it. You know, >> it's over. It's over. Right? Your words have no meaning anymore. Right? And >> they do have no meaning. So we we are, like I said, I want to say it again. More is caught than taught. So for those parents out there, for those who are raising, especially the younger ones, always remember that doesn't matter if you're trying to preach something 90% of the time. If you do 10% the opposite, they will catch on that. >> They will definitely pay attention because children are more perceptive. Then we give them credit for it. And I think that's another very interesting tidbit perhaps or asterisk to make in this conversation when we're saying you know the uh home as being the family being the sublime school of human dignity where peace begins and all those things because whatever it is that we're doing they are going to pick up on that even if they're little >> because that's a mistake a lot of parents make where they don't they think that because their children >> like my two sons one is six the other is

re going to pick up on that even if they're little >> because that's a mistake a lot of parents make where they don't they think that because their children >> like my two sons one is six the other is two if the fact that they cannot fully express themselves doesn't mean that they they're not paying attention to what I'm saying, what I'm doing, to what my wife is saying, or what she's doing. Even if they can't necessarily imitate the words, they are paying attention to how you behave, the tone of voice, like you said, the intention and all those things. So, that's that's like a a little like warning, I guess, for >> for all of us. A big alert, you know, red red flag. Please don't do it. And uh in fact um in social learning theory um we we find that uh uh let's say if I as a parent am patient I'm honest I am cooperative my child will internalize that as a value right and and no longer as you need to be patient as a command but as an emotional truth and I think this is this is quite important for all of us to to think about it. And um and maybe we can also pivot to something that the spirit's book tells us um that childhood is the spirit of innocence, right? And what uh that book is referencing is that the spirit is still malleable. It is still receptive to moral guidance. So, it's an incredible uh opportunity for re-education, a second chance if you will for the spirit. >> Absolutely. And it's interesting again because you're bringing the spiritist perspective. So if we think about that a child >> is a child only in body because the spirit is an immortal spirit that has lived other lives that has acred other experiences uh defects flaws but also skills and and maybe some virtues you know so we have to remember that but the thing which is so interesting is that this there's this malleability they're more pliable when they are >> young therefore it is a double responsibility because you are now as Again as in the viewpoint of the parents or the you know whoever is raising the

malleability they're more pliable when they are >> young therefore it is a double responsibility because you are now as Again as in the viewpoint of the parents or the you know whoever is raising the child, >> you are now the role model for that that human being that is very much pliable thankfully to moral development because that's the biggest uh the biggest challenge is the moral development. Intellectually they they might grow just because their brains are growing. But morals it it doesn't it doesn't come so naturally as you know them learning to talk or them learning to walk which are normal processes that neurodedevelopmentally the brain already achieves. Um you don't need guidance uh to the point where moral development that's the one you need to be the role model. You need to be able to live what you're preaching. >> Yeah. Yeah. So um one maybe a reflection point for all of us is that how we as adults um may be teaching or retteaching or reliving our own childhood lessons >> uh when we are interacting with our children and that may be very unconscious right where we we are we have been imprinted and okay I'm now a mother and all of a sudden I'm doing the same the good, the bad, and the ugly that I learned. But we can stop that, right? We we have uh uh our ability to say no. I for example um I was spoiled, Yodi, [laughter] in a day and age that uh my cousins all got spanked. There's a different generation there is spanked, yelled at, etc. This girl here never never got spanked and never ever ever got yelled at. Can you imagine that? That a beautiful um nurturing environment from a mother and a father that are so aware of what to do, right? >> That is that is very good for you. That's very nice because it's not the majority especially like you said with the >> uh with your generation you know like and it's definitely something that is >> uh not so common. It's in fact it's actually uncommon but it is interesting as well because you said we we relive these experiences.

r generation you know like and it's definitely something that is >> uh not so common. It's in fact it's actually uncommon but it is interesting as well because you said we we relive these experiences. >> Yeah. And a lot of the times we don't realize where we're living but whenever we say oh that's how my parents used to do or I never complain when I had to do that or I never you know like whenever we're almost like referencing something that our parents did to us or >> we already relieving that and a lot of the times that there is a trap in that as well that I see in my profession as a as a child psychologist >> where parents come in and say oh but I survived this or I I was able I turned out fine. That's that's the biggest thing that I heard. I turned out fine. So to justify a lot of wrong behaviors or behaviors that now we know they're not really ideal. Oh, but I turned out okay, >> you know, [laughter] to that you have to be like, okay, really maybe, but even then doesn't justify. [laughter] >> Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. But maybe um if we could now you know change a little bit our conversation um because um if we go back to Joanna D'Angelus she she emphasizes that every child brings this heavy load right you you mentioned before um uh uh a child is only a child in body right there is a spirit that that may be older than us. So from that perspective, Jo of the Angels is very uh she says this quite well, right? This is this child. So I I I can you imagine your two-year-old and he too has this heavy and I put my hands here because I see like almost like a Hercules with a boulder, right? It's just like this heavy load of experiences from past lives, right? They also bring just because uh from an evolutionary perspective you are today the best version of yourself right yesterday in another incarnation for example you were not so mature as you are today even though today you're not that good but you're better today than you were yesterday but so we can think in terms of that young child that came

on for example you were not so mature as you are today even though today you're not that good but you're better today than you were yesterday but so we can think in terms of that young child that came to your life as your child or whatever you as a caretaker taker that child has that heavy load but it also brings from those experience some uh nature that can be I don't know uh either capricious or generous or fearful or assertive and those are demonstrated to you and you even say how come right yeah >> but they're really traces of a spiritual history that it it comes with them. I I I have to tell my my daughter, right, she was the oldest and she was two years old. Two years old and she was already as assertive as you can imagine. Just she had that big voice and um and and as we're talking about this, I'm thinking of her as a child and how uh it was very clear to me that that was not me, it was her. Right. But our task Yudi as parents, educators, caregivers etc. is very delicate because we perhaps should not have the right to suppress whatever you see instinctively coming out of that child negative or or positive not suppress but really guide them toward a sense of balance. So question to you, how can we recognize and guide these innate tendencies without repressing a child? And I'm talking specifically the authentic child. It is a great question Marcia because I think a lot of the times um parents and we we'll say parents from now but of course could be grandparents, uncles, aunts or whoever is raising the child. But let's say for the sake of >> a nanny, right? A nanny or >> a nanny whoever is whoever is raising that child. But let's so let's but let's say parents >> uh so a lot of the times parents they like you said use the word suppress or they try to >> um they try they try to limit the child because they see something that they don't like without realizing that maybe maybe that's on them that they don't like that maybe there's a problem with them not with the

y they try to limit the child because they see something that they don't like without realizing that maybe maybe that's on them that they don't like that maybe there's a problem with them not with the >> the personality quote unquote personality I'm doing like air quotes here >> of the child or whatever it is that they are uh expressing or how they're behaving. the the idea to guide uh the children is the same thing as if some as if >> um let's say you write a like a a scientific paper and you want me to review it. I'm not going to write it as if it was me. I'm going to say, "Okay, I'm going to respect your style and here's some feedback." It's almost like that. You have to understand that they're coming with their own uniqueness. They're coming with their own baggage of good things as well >> because the law of progress is unstoppable like you already mentioned. >> So they're coming with good things and a lot of the challenges they come >> we we will be doing a disservice if we try to uh limit them to the point just to like release our anxiety. So limit limit them to the point to relieve my anxiety where they're not growing as they're supposed to grow or they're not uh developing those talents and skills that they're supposed to develop. >> Yeah. Yeah. And a note right from a spiritist perspective um we are each one of us we are exactly where we should be. >> Yes. >> Right. with the parents that are supposed to be our parents within this um uh environment, the context. And the context may be your social economic status. It may be the gender, the nationality, the creed, the the the educational environment that you're in. We we we choose and we are given the best really curated to to get to where we need to be emotionally. And so this discussion is quite important. If you think about [clears throat] it, if my biggest mission in the world, this today is to to be a a caregiver to a child, let's not rush through it. lets us be very intentional and um and I'm thinking

you think about [clears throat] it, if my biggest mission in the world, this today is to to be a a caregiver to a child, let's not rush through it. lets us be very intentional and um and I'm thinking uh back to the question I would say right um if I were to answer the question myself you I would say that it's remove suppression of a say negative tendency but I think a parent should really be firm but loving at the same time right so >> yes uh you your your your love with uh discipline and firmness uh is what will educate by perhaps setting boundaries and limits and at the same time not uh hurting emotionally speaking that that child. you. The setting limits is a is a good one because that is something that >> a lot of people struggle with first understanding and number two actually like putting the boundaries and the limits that children do need. Children do need limits. like teenagers as well boundaries and understand that and there is something that is happening >> especially more nowadays more than ever I would say like at least what research is suggesting about the anxiety from the parents interfering with how the children can actually fail >> and we talked about this in previous episodes about the helicopter parent or I said like the snowplower >> parent and that that style of parenting and how that prevents them from learning themselves >> to fail fail to fall and to get up on their own. And so the limits, even the limits when we think about what they're able to do, I have to think, am I limiting my son to the point where I'm making >> him live in a bubble and then he becomes an adult that doesn't know how to handle difficulty, that doesn't know how to handle >> boredom, >> the biggest one nowadays, one of the biggest ones that doesn't know how to manage his emotions as to not become, let's say, violent or frustrated or develop all these mental health conditions that we see developing nowadays. how what is my my role in that you know as a parent. So that's something that I

become, let's say, violent or frustrated or develop all these mental health conditions that we see developing nowadays. how what is my my role in that you know as a parent. So that's something that I always encourage parents you know to think to themselves like how am I how am I how am I putting the limits and setting the boundaries and how is that helping them >> my my children you know. >> Yeah. Yeah. And I think it's all about consistency as well, right? So be [laughter] a loving parent all the time, but with love there will be moments of conflict and and those are important because that's when they know, right? They know how to to manage their own emotional response when they go through that including boredom, [laughter] including um frustration, including failure. Those are big big lessons. Don't you think Y? >> They are big big lessons. Yeah. And then what happened is this this what it's called safetyism where there's this this idea of making everything so safe and so infallible that the children they don't learn to make mistakes. They don't they don't learn on their own. And what happens, you know, if we're talking about the episode teaching love, that's the, you know, that's the the main episode today that we're talking here. We think of, let's say, Jesus, like every time I think of love, I think of Jesus. He embraced everybody, but he was able to put some limits like for the apostles and tell them this is how you should do it, right? He didn't condone everything, but he embraced everybody with with love. And that is a role model. That is that is a guide, you know? That's why he's the way, the truth, and the life. [laughter] So that's why >> that's why I always think of that as parents, how am I being a model of love? How am I being a model of of a peacemaker of somebody who actually >> uh can spread love, can accept love, can give love? >> I love it. I love it. Um um one thing that is may be important for us to to bring it up here is the fact that uh um

r of somebody who actually >> uh can spread love, can accept love, can give love? >> I love it. I love it. Um um one thing that is may be important for us to to bring it up here is the fact that uh um Joanna even cautious about it is the fact that uh uh the hypocrisy of hiding, right? And I think you you already mentioned about it where um you as an adult command, right? I commend this type of obedience but uh uh I I don't role model the same uh and the the the the end result of this discrepancy in behavior is dishonesty right it is hypocrisy and so I I think uh when we talk about being the model the model of love and peace it's really also um a question of encouraging authentic behavior, right? Uh which means how can I let my child uh express emotions in a healthy manner, right? Instead of oh my goodness, my father is here and there is no room to be bored. So this is the the yin and yang, right? The the paradox of this whole discussion. uh we need to to to allow a safety environment to to explore with my emotional responses but um uh as you said uh don't fall into the um the safety where I I'm I want you to be safe so I don't want you to uh to go through any sort of pain. We're talking about two different things, right? >> Yeah. And au authenticity is is so important because again just to say it again we're all unique individuals. We are all >> unique. No god does not do copies. [laughter] So it's we are all unique >> snowflakes. Snowflakes. Yeah >> we are [laughter] we do we are very unique. So understanding that you know even though you want your child to conform or you want your child to be exactly as you are that's that's not that's not the case. You got to embrace whatever challenges they have whatever virtues they bring. understanding that this this specific spirit reincarnated with you for a reason. >> Yes. Yes. >> They they nothing happens by accident otherwise God would be unfair and God is >> Yeah. Yeah. >> perfect and all his qualities, you know, all love and and all of that. So

for a reason. >> Yes. Yes. >> They they nothing happens by accident otherwise God would be unfair and God is >> Yeah. Yeah. >> perfect and all his qualities, you know, all love and and all of that. So >> no waste, right? No waste. It's it's very precise. Yeah. Yeah. >> Very precise, you know. So So therefore, if that child is there, you know, how am I behaving? How am I showing love? How am I showing acceptance? Because if I'm somebody that doesn't accept my own child, my child is going to grow up to be somebody that doesn't accept others as well. And that's when we're talking about peace. >> No peace. >> Yeah. >> That's it. Like that's the the main thing. It's not about not having conflict. It's about the violence. >> Yeah. >> When people don't like me or don't agree with me or vice versa. And the and that's when we don't have peace. >> Yeah. That's a very good point. There's something else that I wanted to to bring before I move on to to the what you're talking about which is uh educating for peace specifically but uh in the gospel coin to spiritism um I think it was chapter 14 card really talks about family as this divine institution but uh as a as a just as a reminder right parents are not owners This is big. Parents do not own their children. They're guardians of the souls that they were entrusted to them. So, it's a tremendous responsibility, right? It is some we we need to be very careful with that that uh young child that is entrusted to us. >> Yeah. They they are they are our children in this life and temporarily like they they are in the state of being my sons >> but the spirits they don't belong to me. The spirits belong to God to the creator. So so it's understanding that is is very important so we don't >> uh become overly possessive or overly protective or any type of imbalance and as we know imbalances harmony is the goal you know balance is the goal. So if any is there anything overly something it's probably not good. Sorry. >> Do do you have any advice perhaps for uh

ance and as we know imbalances harmony is the goal you know balance is the goal. So if any is there anything overly something it's probably not good. Sorry. >> Do do you have any advice perhaps for uh how can we're talking about modern family with all of our problems, snowplow parents, helicopter parents, whatever you are. Uh or even negligent parents, I think that's the other spectrum. But how can uh modern families encourage emotional authenticity without chaos? Right. So how do we just in your your thoughts your opinions but how can a families today cultivate the both sides where which is the authentic and freedom to express themselves and on the other hand the discipline and boundaries etc. Do you have any thoughts on that? >> Be the change you wish to see in the world Gandhi. That's it. You're >> Gandhi. Yeah. you are the role model to your children. So if I want to foster an an environment where they they are able to emotionally to regulate their own emotions and understand what they're feeling and be able to express that >> they will see that from myself. So in the days if I'm not feeling so good they ask me I'm not going to >> pretend oh no I'm doing great because they will know they'll know that smile is fake. They will know that something is wrong with daddy. They will know that daddy had a let's say a difficult day at work but he's lying. you know the same. So it's being able to express yourself, being able to say, "Hey, I didn't like this or no, I'm not very happy right now." Uh, and being true to yourself because your children will see it and they'll say, "Okay, so it's okay to feel sad. It's okay to feel anxious. It's okay to to feel very happy. It's okay to feel frustrated. It's even if they don't verbalize that, they will learn it." >> Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. So um want us to maybe close our time together uh discussing the idea of uh educating for peace and and quite frankly I would say this is the biggest uh revolution there is >> uh morally speaking right so Joanna says

maybe close our time together uh discussing the idea of uh educating for peace and and quite frankly I would say this is the biggest uh revolution there is >> uh morally speaking right so Joanna says the following Yodi to build on a child a new being is to work for peace in society the wars are not made by weapons but by the people who build them. Really crazy, right? So, so she's really bringing that notion that uh the root of uh war and violence should not seen by us as political but emotional because the people that uh are behind the wars, right? And and even to build the the weapons, if they are emotionally mature, they wouldn't. So if children grow up um say this is just fictitious here but if children grow up surrounded by uh competitiveness or neglect or even this state of constant moral confusion there will be adults and you mentioned this before like that. So how can we educate for peace Yuri? what uh what uh families what should they be thinking in terms of what can they do to to to to live in that uh this paradigm I'm here educating for peace >> yeah one I'd say within their own family their own like families let's say >> I'll give my example myself my wife my two sons so how am I behaving behaving, how am I teaching them, how am I educating my children? Uh same thing with the with the partner, same thing with my wife, cuz we have to be aligned >> as far as educating the children and what we're showing them, what uh limits we're imposing, what limits we're not imposing, how we're fostering them to be authentic. How are we educating them for peace? But also outside because outside they will find >> like I said others who don't agree with them others who mistreat them >> others who hurt them you know emotionally verbally physically >> how do we how will they handle that will depend a lot on how they see us adults handling it how they see me >> let's say driving in traffic here in Miami which is awful how am I how no really how am I behaving here in traffic

andle that will depend a lot on how they see us adults handling it how they see me >> let's say driving in traffic here in Miami which is awful how am I how no really how am I behaving here in traffic and I say you can't curse but I'm cursing and I'm honky and I'm you know road raging >> how am I behaving out there because the society like peace starts in the home but is something that goes beyond the home and same thing with violence >> if I'm only showing violence here they're going to show violence out there and that's how this this uh let's say the phenomena will grow because even nowadays in the world that has still so much violence and like you said the weapons >> like Joanna said so well that like it's not the weapon. It's like the build the the people who are building the people who are using them >> because there's still the violent tendency because >> it all started in childhood too. >> Yeah. No. >> And and I and I'm thinking um we can also be aware that uh yes, traffic is a great example, [laughter] especially traffic in Miami. But right, but uh what about the violence that I show toward myself? >> Oh, as well. >> Absolutely. How am I handling my own failures? How am I handling my own self? Am I telling them >> you can't hurt yourself, but they're seeing me scream at the mirror and and call me call myself names. Am I, you know? So, there are all these things and traffic is is one that I like to mention because it sounds so innocuous. It sounds so like inconsequential in a way like, oh, it's just everybody gets stressed out. Yeah, but how am I my two sons in the back? How are they observing me as I deal with with the frustrations and the disrespect of other drivers and things like that? They are observing that. They are learning that. So how am I behaving outside of the home? Am I being peaceful? Am I or am I >> disseminating anger and and violence? >> Yeah. My father, [laughter] you know, six children, so he was hyper hyper alert with um being that model and

of the home? Am I being peaceful? Am I or am I >> disseminating anger and and violence? >> Yeah. My father, [laughter] you know, six children, so he was hyper hyper alert with um being that model and uh and he very safe, very he was always making sure nothing goes uh and and harm the children. But anyways, he drove uh uh so conservatively, Yodi. So conservatively and and everybody says, "Oh my gosh, you you drive so slow and and just soft, right?" And often we were there in in the car with him and there'll be a car uh you know this is Brazil so you know how it is. Uh, so they just go and all those noises and then and go through them and blah blah blah and he's still driving and uh all of a sudden right same car that did all of this is stuck at parallel in front of the same red light. So he he would take this to look at us children in the back seat and he say see no I I have no uh my heart my my heart is doing okay my blood pressure is okay I did not waste gas my my tires are better and my car will be um longer will will will be in better maintenance >> and we're still here we he this person accomplished nothing. And I think this is so interesting because I was quite young uh right going to school and he would pick us up. And this is this is something that happened over and over and over again. So if you ask me how do I drive? Just like my dad, I am impossibly slow and and o overconervative. I don't need to be like that. It's just you know >> why not? But it's how but it's what it's how you learn. It's how you learn. I I drive fast but but very [laughter] >> um >> not too much over the limits of course but like try to be safe not to like do anything dangerous obviously. >> Yeah. But w with as far as you know going back to the idea of the you know of peace and how how to educate for peace in this especially in this day and age where everybody >> people seem to be way more impatient way more irritable way more you know prone to >> to abuse online to do everything that

educate for peace in this especially in this day and age where everybody >> people seem to be way more impatient way more irritable way more you know prone to >> to abuse online to do everything that perhaps 20 30 40 years ago >> weren't here because of the advances of technology. So educating for peace, I think it seeps in all these different areas that we must be aware of. So it's not only >> oh my children never seen me punch another man. Yeah. But have they seen me berate another man? Have they seen me >> be disrespectful to elderly to other people? >> All the gradation of that violence. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. All of the all of the different pieces. So it's being very very mindful very mindful of that. >> And I think we can start small. Tell me what you think. Right. I I can start with, okay, I'm young. I'm a young mother and uh I don't know much about psychology. I'm just kidding here. But uh I'm going to educate for peace. And uh we can start that by teaching emotional literacy, right? Because this is something that we even find in some cases where children cannot really identify or name or manage their emotions in a constructive way. So how can we um promote empathy cooperation if I I I don't know what I feel right >> and that is something we see in adults too Marcia because what happens with those those children grow up they grow up and they >> we see them in the office where these are adults full full grown adults who don't know when they're feeling hungry or when they're feeling bored or when they're feeling sad and they they are when they're feeling anxious they cannot even uh separate. So what happens is they take the wrong actions to fulfill certain needs that they think they have but >> they end up even feeling emptier. So it is so important to teach children >> this the emotional knowledge and emotion regulation emotional knowledge. What is it that you're feeling? It's okay to feel sad when this happens. It's okay to feel anxious when that happens. It's you

this the emotional knowledge and emotion regulation emotional knowledge. What is it that you're feeling? It's okay to feel sad when this happens. It's okay to feel anxious when that happens. It's you know normalizing a lot of that because children are not robots. they're also human beings. They're also like us. They feel things too. So understanding that is very very important. So not only modeling uh appropriate behavior which is what we talked about >> uh also if I can give other like psychological tips I guess for parents. >> Yes, please do. Yeah. >> There's something called uh we usually say predictability and consistency. >> So if you're teaching behavior, give feedback. always give feedback both positive and negative because that's something parents >> most parents do wrong if I have to say is they only correct what's wrong but they never praise when is right so you have to you have to do both things >> and be very >> predictable have the very predictable outcome from a behavior you desire and be consistent with the reward or the or the punishment not to be too behavioral here but understanding how your children as they grow they need to understand the rule the code of conduct of the family. They need to understand these things that are accepted, things that are not accepted. They must have a a place to be authentic. But predictability and consistency is one that we we often see parents >> failing to maintain in the home where the children never knows what they're going to get. If they try to hug their parents, they don't know what they're going to get. If they break a vase because they're playing soccer inside the house, they don't know what's going to happen. Am I going to be punished in what way? And it's they don't know. Children, >> I broke a vase. I broke a vase playing soccer in my my mother's uh living room. >> Gosh, I did I did I did so many bad things I don't even want to [laughter] say as a as a child growing up. But thankfully >> thankfully I had loving parents and

er in my my mother's uh living room. >> Gosh, I did I did I did so many bad things I don't even want to [laughter] say as a as a child growing up. But thankfully >> thankfully I had loving parents and turned out okay. It did turn out. >> We did turn out okay, we think, right? But [laughter] uh but Joanna Joanna D'Angelo, she she's her books are always bringing Jesus, right? So she she she links the idea of this foundational uh aspect of teaching peace through love and uh she she links to his words right let the children the little children come to me and it's I think it's important for us to remember that because uh Jesus recognized that divine potential within each child and and we see in some cases this symbol of purity, of openness, of trust, right? That malleability of their beginning of their lives. And uh when we educate through love, we are really becoming critical instruments in helping that divine potential unfold, right? So it's it's just so important. >> Absolutely. We also like the humility piece as well. I think it's a big one that Jesus also is amplified and we have that in children when they come and they say, "Hey, I don't know how to do this. Can you teach me or hey, I want to learn that?" Like having >> that humility and that curiosity that a lot of the times as adults we we don't because of oh I don't want to appear incompetent here. I'm going to pretend that I know and then >> it's it's quite the opposite, you know. >> Yeah. I would say this is my practical examples for everyone, right? Um let's encourage our children collectively speaking to practice forgiveness also practice gratitude at home. Uh I would also um make sure that when we have a certain decision uh that may be po not as popular, right? for example, oh, we're going to go to to Orlando and uh uh we're going to go to Disney, right? No, it may be that we're not going to Orlando to to Disney this year for whatever reason, but uh sharing those family decisions, good and bad, but listen, encourage their feelings

go to Disney, right? No, it may be that we're not going to Orlando to to Disney this year for whatever reason, but uh sharing those family decisions, good and bad, but listen, encourage their feelings when they they they get to the news. And uh finally really um and this comes from my own experience, right? replace uh the idea of a physical punishment that in my generation was especially my my cousins right we are very very large family Yi but they all talked about how terrible their parents were and uh but my parents they replace punishment with dialogue but also accountability. So when we when we start to see those things, we can see that society can change right when every every child learns from home that uh as you said before that peace begins with self-regulation, right? With >> absolutely with respect >> and not repeating cycles of pain. That's something we also talk about, you know, not repeating these cycles that >> uh perhaps were not so helpful as you grew up and then you take that and you say, okay, I'm not going to do that and you improve a little bit and >> your children by you know by as a result they will they will improve as well. So that and that's how we build a peaceful society. >> Yeah. Each person doing their own part and us as parents doing our part as parents >> to educate for peace and with peace and with forgiveness and with >> like you said gratitude and and encouraging them to speak up. When you said that that's very important encouraging them to speak up but at the same time helping them understand that hey we're going to disagree. >> There's going to be conflict that we're going to disagree. We're different people >> for like my house, four of us, right? So there there going to be conflict, but I want to hear your opinion. I want to hear what you have to say. >> I want to hear your frustration. >> I I love it, Yudi. I love this conversation. But we are at time and uh as we wrap up, let's uh maybe um recall some of Joanna's message or essential key points, right?

ant to hear your frustration. >> I I love it, Yudi. I love this conversation. But we are at time and uh as we wrap up, let's uh maybe um recall some of Joanna's message or essential key points, right? and she says to educate with and for love is the most effective method to achieve balance in the family. So we talked about the education is not control but it is maybe we can think of it as a a a um creative outlet right because we can manage and create in terms of the choice of gestures, tone of voice, reactions so that we are somehow shaping uh the blueprint of this human soul that is has been entrusted to us. So I I just think that it's so important for us to reflect upon this and our role into it. But uh thank you. Thank you Yodi. Thank you everyone who's here with us. And for those who are here for the first time, uh please note that the psychology and spirituality weekly talks are based on the works by Joanna D'Angel and uh we appreciate you. We also appreciate our sponsors um Maneland Camino, United States Spiritist Federation, International Spiritist Council and Brazil, the Brazilian arm of the global organization called the Medical Spiritist Association. Thank you everyone and see you next time. >> Thank you and see you next time.