Ep 93 - Why are you so Angry?

hi everyone welcome to the psychology and spirituality a bridge to a better life discussion please note that this program the psychology and spirituality weekly talks are based on the works by Joanna deangeles and we're here right Peter to to have this space for us to just expand our Concepts from a psychological lens and spiritual ideas so that we can get maybe additional insights and tips on how to have a better life but my name is Mercia trano and I'm here with Peter Hayes in this conversation about anger hi Peter how you doing fine Marcia how are you doing it's great to yes it's good to see you but Peter when we think about anger um as described by joah d'angeles is a destructive emotion so we we can break down destructive and emotional we're not right now but she she calls this right a destructive emotion that can cause a rupture in one's inner peace right so if we were to talk about root causes she points very a high level that the the reasons that we have these type of emotions often come from frustration our expectations right are not met how our egos are just not happy they're injured or even uh which we can talk about later today the notion that there is a a el of equilibrium or what I mean by that is there's some sort of perceived Injustice um I'm a victim you cause me harm therefore I can get angry at you so I wanted to say everyone here today that this conversation today is just an invitation for all of us to understand a little bit better about anger and also um the realization right Peter that if this emotion or emotional response is uncontrolled it it does impair and this is the the hardest thing it does impair our judgment it can really cloud our reasoning and often leads to some sort of impulsive destructive action yes I could I I have a vision of somebody who's very very dear to me I have to say it very very dear uh an older older lady and she was so angry in day Peter that she just and she threw a a cup of her favorite China that came from Generations before and she just threw it

have to say it very very dear uh an older older lady and she was so angry in day Peter that she just and she threw a a cup of her favorite China that came from Generations before and she just threw it and of course it broke it into pieces and then she had to deal with the not only the the anger the Outburst the triggers but also the impact of that destructive action but was thinking also um there is a quote by K gusta Yung our favorite psych psychotherapist but uh Jun says the following a man who has not passed through The Inferno of his passions has never overcome them of course he's talking about shadow shadow work etc but if we reflect upon those words we could say we you and I right but all of us here today we may be very brave and honest to say we do not possess or own our emotions our emotions often possesses there are so many people who are angry and they're angry all the time and it's such they're Reckless they are unable to manage or even control all the emotions they react to Tiny triggers or enormous triggers in ways that like this older woman regretted profoundly after that so Peter as we pause to answer the question of what of why are we so angry all the time I just want to say thank you thank you for being here and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic all I remember years ago put to me this way by uh in if we go back to our ancestry to the time of cave people yeah when someone back then one of us got angry usually the first impulse was to just kill somebody but it was put to me that Evolution has tempered those impulses well we could debate that unto itself couldn't we but um largely speaking yes yeah if we think of evolution both biological evolution physical Evolution and then there's a more recent concept of evolution called memes which has more to do with um well social Evolution so one way or another Evolution has tempered the impulse that many of us might have where we we still feel angry of course we can get deeply enraged and some of us get

do with um well social Evolution so one way or another Evolution has tempered the impulse that many of us might have where we we still feel angry of course we can get deeply enraged and some of us get very violent but at the same time we learn to try to cope with these feelings in other ways as to what causes anger gosh I mean where does one begin but um one way to start I would say and this is something Joanna Angeles talks about in in her book existential conflicts is the our ego Centric Nature has been wounded in some way is kind of how she puts it it's and it's a big concept right Peter if you just just repeat that for everybody to to take a moment to to reflect right that the egocentric nature and it's something that we all bring it somehow but go ahead Peter well there's a few things at once I would say yeah when we talk about our egocentric nature we're talking about the normal process of CH early childhood development which you know we are only really able to focus on our own needs when we're very small babies small children we're not really capable of of thinking about how others respond at all we're only concerned with our own needs but sometimes anger can be connected to an egocentric impulse that somehow hasn't been worked through and yes Mr Yung Dr Jung right you're you're right there with Jung and there's a but there's another part of this as well which is that Joanna dangeles talks about the animall likee impulse that we can have of course we are animals too we're the only animal that's capable of the level of reflection that we have but at the same time she says something interesting I think it's a good point which is in a way she doesn't say it quite like this but I think she's implying that our capacity to have reason and intelligence is both a blessing and kind of a curse at the same time yeah what I mean by that is she says that when animals get angry usually they're angry and aggressive because they're either attacked or they feel under threat or

and kind of a curse at the same time yeah what I mean by that is she says that when animals get angry usually they're angry and aggressive because they're either attacked or they feel under threat or they're hungry yeah and once that has been alleviated they're no longer in danger or they've eaten then the anger goes away we however are are quite capable of staying angry for a long period of time so it's not just a it's it's some kind of need that's met but also if we combine the fact that we're capable of holding on to anger much longer we carry grudges yeah so something within us that hasn't been been addressed but combine that with our intelligence and it can be kind of a frightening combin ation I mean we can use our intelligence to create better weapons we can use our intell to perpetuate Wars yes so just a before before because I think I want to explore that uh escalation of anger but before we go there so don't let me forget right but what I what I find it interesting when you talk about uh uh the idea that an animal once that trigger whatever that may be right the stress fear a threat whatever um is addressed they go back to normal right there is a normalization of whatever that animal may be but uh uh what I find it interesting is if we pause to to think about we we humans right we have a free will we have self-awareness and we can indeed manage our anger um such as um I'm just thinking loud here oh self-awareness which I already said uh reflection right to to understand not only what are our triggers but what are the patterns or or even um things that seem to be the root cause for my Outburst uh of anger uh and uh I'm sure you're going to talk about this later but I'm going to spoil everyone to know the the the the um uh breathing exercises or reframing our thought processes mindfulness relaxation techniques and even clearly communicating your thoughts for example this is comes from coup's therapy where the two are just right they're just in angry at each other and the therapist

ness relaxation techniques and even clearly communicating your thoughts for example this is comes from coup's therapy where the two are just right they're just in angry at each other and the therapist would say uh let's pretend we are the couple here Peter and you're just get so angry or I get angry at you and I I should just say but Peter I feel so frustrated when you blah blah blah and the when you could be don't close the door uh the the fridge door or when you don't put the dishes away there's some there's some things are so so simple but because I don't communicate and this is a relationship in this case an example of a a a relationship right a couple's uh relationship but we do that with everybody there are some things that just triggers us but we don't talk about it so that lack of communication is really terrible and uh it's so simple right and the other thing that you said and I'm just going to repeat uh uh somebody that highly admire Peter uh that I would like to to leave it here before we go into that escalations into war because I think it's a big topic of discussion but somebody told me and it was just really it really resonated to me was the fact that uh um uh metaphor we are like a film or a movie and just like the animals there are points in that movie that led to uh frustration whatever and anger right and it's up to us to either hold on to that frame that photo as the definition of that person or say let go and now I'm going to go through the whole movie I want to understand all that that person the other is to me all The Good the Bad and the Ugly all the moments that we work together that we live together that we experience things together that bring more to to my relationship and Rapport than that single frame but what we do right Peter we hold D and I think you mentioned before to whatever caused that anger and that leads to resentment and and can lead forever uh all the way to an uler that uh we don't know why it's so hard for my stomach it's all related but I I'm

ed before to whatever caused that anger and that leads to resentment and and can lead forever uh all the way to an uler that uh we don't know why it's so hard for my stomach it's all related but I I'm talking too much today sorry for that let's go back to what when I interrupted you because I think you're talking about anger that escalates into larger and larger conflicts right yeah I could think of a few things to to focus on but let me start here um I mentioned before that we get angry when we're under thread in some So speaking of movies I know we like to talk about movies on this program sometimes so I recently saw the movie Saturday night which was a movie a dramatization about the TV show the comedy show Saturday and about how chaotic it was to make the first episode and um I need to see this one I haven't I haven't watched give away too much here but no go right ahead go right ahead I mentioned this because okay the moment of feeling in danger you know they one of the characters they have from the original Saturday Night Live cast is somebody playing John balushi and root of John Belushi's comedy was often his rage kind of explosive behavior and there's a moment in the movie where they're rehearsing the scene and and you know they're trying to get things ready and they start to rehearse a film scene between him and Gilda Radner and all of a sudden a lighting truss just drops from the ceiling because it wasn't rigged properly so a whole uh unrelated unrelated right yeah and you know could have killed them John Belushi's reaction is he immediately goes after the lighting guy just boom just lets him have it and the reason I mentioned this is because doesn't that happen to us when we're caught off guard when we're suddenly in danger you walk down the street and somebody catches you off guard for a moment and we personalize right it's an attack on me it was just a right a rod that uh came loose but we do that so often frequently anytime we feel attacked in some ways I mean there's lots of

for a moment and we personalize right it's an attack on me it was just a right a rod that uh came loose but we do that so often frequently anytime we feel attacked in some ways I mean there's lots of examples one could think of so so let's imagine for a moment that you and I are a couple and you get angry at me because I didn't dishes for instance and perhaps unconsciously I didn't do the dishes because I'm provoking you but uh but in any case let's say you really let me have it you get really upset and I think the way you put it before was if if you take a more um considerate approach you might say something like Peter when you don't do the dishes I feel frustrated yes and kind of put it in those words or you just like blow up at me maybe even throw something and break it but but there explosive anger yeah that kind of thing and I might in that moment feel under threat and also what do you mean how dare you respond to me that way and then I might you know react in kind in some way and that's how these things could escalate yes yes and one thing you mentioned that I think is very true is if we don't have the ability to stop and just slow down and allow ourselves time to process yeah because if we go back to that animall likee impulse you know cave people you're angry you want to kill somebody there's from the moment you're angry to the moment you want to react to the anger is like this much time none yes yes and the other is a threat right therefore for the caveman or cave person as a warrior correct is just doing what he or she's supposed to do right and often I would think in that time period And in that world the threats were quite real I mean imagine um one of the reasons our species of hominids are the only ones left and Neanderthals went extinct I think it was two million years ago was probably they were killed or in breeding or what have you yeah I knows for sure but but that's likely hypothesis so you can imagine the amount of aggression not to mention the dangers of hunting and

s probably they were killed or in breeding or what have you yeah I knows for sure but but that's likely hypothesis so you can imagine the amount of aggression not to mention the dangers of hunting and and everything else but just people not knowing how to you know cohabitate eventually Evolution would teach people the benefits of cooperation but I would imagine that was not a given in the beginning which is a great topic of discussion by the way at a different time the whole notion of when Co cooperation collaboration and altruism at a at a at a you know at uh at the same scale but at the end of that scale of uh what we do with each other uh led to the evolution of mankind love the topic but let's keep on going I think it maybe it's not the only reason by any means but certainly feeling under threat under attack uh in more subtle ways being undervalued yes as Jo Angeles puts it not being considered yeah you know we think people are trampling on us somehow and things like that can I can I um just some of the thoughts that came to my mind when you're talking about this escalations right uh and they all just like the cave person that uh in in true manner was defending its own tribe right or Clan or family uh from real not perceived threat um but I keep thinking um of all the areas of conflict in the world and all the wars and we're talking about Nation against Nation or even in in you know last century where we had two enormous world wars where the entire uh world uh was fighting but let's let's maybe think about some of the triggers and and when it is and I'm doing air quote right when it is quote unquote uh a reaction that could have been perceived somehow by one of the parties as oh this is okay and you mentioned something that I find quite interesting that idea of Injustice or reaction to Injustice or let's say oppression right so that perception of Injustice is can indeed lead to entire Wars uh against people or Civil Wars or even if we think about uh urban violence right uh uh that can

justice or let's say oppression right so that perception of Injustice is can indeed lead to entire Wars uh against people or Civil Wars or even if we think about uh urban violence right uh uh that can start with a uh I'm an activist and I'm protesting and now the person that I'm protesting against uh takes right takes the insult my Pro my protest is an insult and boom next thing we know there's uh uh Blood and Tears etc etc but uh through the history of mankind we can see that uh uh history of Injustice and oppression as part of our history right uh all the way from I don't know expectations such as colonialism but closer to our time still despite how much we have evolved how we still deal with inequality in Pay gender inequality racial inequality issues of um I don't know um you know uh religious uh um intolerance and there's so much anger if you think about still existing and the interesting thing Peter as much as I may not live in those circumstances when we go back to Jung right Carl gust of Yung and the theory of the collective unconscious my anger feeds the anger that exists collectively right and vice versa but the moment and I think you're going to talk somehow about it the moment I start to break the cycle I am always adding say forgiveness into that Collective unconscious but are there other examples perhaps that we could talk about it well uh one thing I wanted to comment on is Alan Watts who uh you know the spiritual speaker uh back in the 60s and so forth doing a lot of public lectures made the point that if you have a war over territory yeah usually the you know the war ends once the territory has been conquered kind of thing and that's certainly been one type of aggression and and and uh impetus for having a war yep but then he also points out when you have War over ID logical issues those could go on for a long long time when it's thing I even call it sorry to interruptor uh maybe those lingering and this is maybe Shakespearean in essence right but those lingering

logical issues those could go on for a long long time when it's thing I even call it sorry to interruptor uh maybe those lingering and this is maybe Shakespearean in essence right but those lingering ancestral infighting between families uh in the case of Roman Juliet but it could be um uh what is it Bosnia and uh right the the whole um I I I remember um I this is too long ago but uh I can see the face of this amazing woman who um came to the US right in political uh Exile and uh she talked about it because the war she said which is stuck to me this has been decades ago when we talked about this how her children her boys used to play with the the neighbors little kids and then the war comes and they became enemy and and she said that was the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone is to know someone that you love but because of that idealism or nationalism or whatever identity you change that loving affectionate relationship that you had into a relationship that is filled by anger and and more right and sometimes going back to egocentric impulses it's when not really either able or unwilling whatever the to see the other person as a fellow human being that's right tendency to turn them into a caricature of some kind to be despised and uh Nazi right uh um propaganda is a a really strong example of exactly that where uh in in in one case uh Jews at the time but of course it also expanded to artists and other subgroups of people where they were uh put into car caricature or dehumanized in every aspect um including the idea of extermination right uh I know this is a a terrible uh uh chapter of our history that's and I went to myid danic in Poland and yeah one of the obvious things about those places in person was just how calculated and organized it was yeah rightfully so you feel the energy too don't you Peter when you go to those uh yeah um you know we were doing some research for a book but um but it um you know an incident an experience where you really saw just how

ou feel the energy too don't you Peter when you go to those uh yeah um you know we were doing some research for a book but um but it um you know an incident an experience where you really saw just how horrific it can be it goes back back to the point I think Joanna dangeles made about how we not only are capable of carrying a grudge but we can use our intelligence in very destructive ways to car correct so there's the two polar right that impulsive like that older woman who threw the China right what were you thinking well she wasn't in in the opposite is this very calculated uh with the propaganda with just in in in so many levels everything about what happened to the world in the 40s right is is just terrible because exactly that it was well calculated and the outcome by which those uh activities existed was destruction yeah the wars that are more ideological more trial perhaps Rel in some way those types of conflicts can just go on and on decades yeah you know again it's a it can mean a lot of things but the the tendency to refuse to see other people as human beings or you you get to a point where people just don't trust each other anymore yeah and and then we we we counter to all of this with this beautiful words that uh that Joanna Echoes of Jesus right which is forgiveness or love your enemy and again another reference that comes to my mind is of course Joseph Kimbell I don't know if you're familiar with the works of Joseph Kimbell but as a uh historian Theologian and philosoph philosopher he did something amazing which is simply put he did uh like we we have comparative for theologians right comparison between religions as this is different than that because he did the opposite his study which is fascinating to me was how religion a b or c are similar right so he he brought many many um philosophical um goals of religions are similar uh but then he brought how Jesus was the ultimate uh revolutionary uh because of how he brought the concept for the first time

e he brought many many um philosophical um goals of religions are similar uh but then he brought how Jesus was the ultimate uh revolutionary uh because of how he brought the concept for the first time according to Joseph Kimbell to all of our history which is law of your neighbor so love the neighbor is exactly what we're talking about here in terms of that uh that other tribe that I'm protecting mine against or or that uh Waring uh country that I'm I'm protecting my children against etc etc and and Jesus brings and he says no you gotta love your neighbor if somebody what is that the one face what is the saying I I keep forgetting if you um oh gosh if if some SLS you on one side of the cheek turn the other cheek yeah turn the other cheek which is just uh are we are we did he right did Jesus want us to to become victims of violence no not at all right not at all but go ahead don't hit back you know yeah you you stop the cycle which another figure that comes to mind Peter is of course and it's so vivid to me is the work of Nelson Mandela right when he after 27 years in prison he comes out and and this is so amazing that he becomes the president of South Africa but the biggest thing that he had to address was his the the the individuals that were they fighting against a part hiide right wanted to do a reverse of a part hiide and remove uh in this case the uh white man I'm just saying this very uh overs simplistic and he's like no we have to forgive so the the all the the um you you know what I'm talking about the the uh series of uh discussions where the person who um hurt the other what it race did not matter in this point would have to ask for forgiveness and uh the person who was injured would then forgive or not and those are filmed and if anyone ever goes to Johannesburg uh please do go to to the museum where it it shows because it's raw emotion and the raw emotion is about violence that is met with um forgiveness yeah and we don't really see that right forgiveness has this

ase do go to to the museum where it it shows because it's raw emotion and the raw emotion is about violence that is met with um forgiveness yeah and we don't really see that right forgiveness has this more um feminine emotion if you will this this very delicate right an eye type impulse I mean yeah about um that happened to the Amish years ago where a gunman went into an Amish community and held a few people hostages including children and held them for several hours yeah I don't remember all the details so forgive me but um but ultimately he killed some some of them if not all of them yeah and then uh the Amish forgave this person publicly yeah that's responded rather than and it's quite incredible right how could you yeah but that's that's how you break the the shackles if you will some something that horrible you know usually pulses it's time to execute them you know or something and that kind revenge and yeah so so if you go back into examples of that right we started with that sense of Injustice of Oppression uh you mentioned um idealism um sense of identity uh we talked a little bit about nationalism but now we're talking about this uh which is the the rightfully so a feeling that I I can retaliate an aggression right I am there was some wrongdoing whatever that may be and I have the right to retell at and this is is born out of anger right but what about perhaps manipulation did you have any opinion in terms of this something that gets to me all the time is where uh we talk about maybe political leaders or uh powerful powerful uh individuals and when we talk about power the words that the the the figures that come to my mind are those uh billionaires of the day that have such wealth and power that they start to manipulate the facts or there's a little bit of cognitive distortion but we uh you know mortal poor Mortals I'm just kidding here the the the other we are victims of those manipulations right I think that definitely can make people very angry yeah it's understandable I

but we uh you know mortal poor Mortals I'm just kidding here the the the other we are victims of those manipulations right I think that definitely can make people very angry yeah it's understandable I think people have a right to be angry because being manipulated especially in very sophisticated subtle ways it's it's the same thing as being the victim of a scam or the victim robbery yeah you know we have been something has been taken from us or we're being maneuvered and yeah I think so yeah no no I was just gonna say there's so many other examples of that but if we were to perhaps summarize it's all about anger which is one of the four basic emotions of human beings right um but if unmanaged uncontrolled can indeed escalate into conflicts those conflicts that can be oh just a family conflict or a neighborhood a community but it can escalate in a way that can lead to uh tragedy collectively speaking right with Wars etc etc yeah well a couple of things you know before we were talking about how we can use our intelligence and anger dangerous and destructive ways but of course the flip side of that is that we can our intelligence and our evolutionary progress to learn how to cope with anger in healthier ways and and absolutely certainly address is is it a terrible thing to get angry in the first place no yeah because getting angry about certain situations helps us to understand a situation and look how many social injustices would not have been addressed if it weren't for anger now how you that's a difference and the expression of anger right through activism or whatever yeah where does one begin I mean think of the Civil Rights Movement you think there was no anger on the part of of African-Americans of course there was yeah very justifi sometimes it got violent needless to say but there was also you know Martin Luther King is famous for for advocating a more peaceful approach he you know his religious background was one of the things that influenced that and or Mahatma Gandhi right I believe

you know Martin Luther King is famous for for advocating a more peaceful approach he you know his religious background was one of the things that influenced that and or Mahatma Gandhi right I believe Mahatma Gandhi birthday was uh just uh this past week uh I think anyways don't don't quote me on that but uh he's such a figure to to bring uh uh addressing the the issue peacefully right address the issue peacefully so yeah there's different ways of of course of reacting to injustices like that social injustic but yeah so anger does play a role and it can have healthy impulses sometimes um well let's go back to you and I being a couple for a moment yes sir I am not I'm gonna have to call Betty Betty this is fiction if if you want me to do the dishes and I know you want me to do the dishes Yes dear I'll give you it I promise and then I don't do it yeah I am probably being passive aggressive that's right and certainly provoking you you may need to get angry at me to get me to wake up yeah is that such a terrible thing now throwing it you know coming after me with a knife I would not recommend that please or or you know exploding but at least angry enough to f to not let it go if you just say oh it's fine dear it's okay that's another thing Joan Angeles talks about where a lot of minor things may happen to us slights times where we're not respected and they may be minor things that start to build up to something worse so let's say I don't do the dishes I don't do a lot of things you want me to do yeah and you kind of go okay that's fine and then one day you just explode yeah or or disrupt the relationship altoe right so some some um insights that we bring to us from uh I know you quoted uh Joanna d' Angels my favorite book by the way existential conflicts uh she has an entire chapter devoted to anger right and and some of the aspects that she Joan and d'angel BR BRS to us for our awareness are this destructive nature right of anger but at the same time it is absolutely normal emotional uh part of

right and and some of the aspects that she Joan and d'angel BR BRS to us for our awareness are this destructive nature right of anger but at the same time it is absolutely normal emotional uh part of our emotional vocabulary to be angry but what we need to be aware is again we mentioned before it's destructive nature and of course uh the other part which which I love it is perhaps uh you mentioned here um the fact that uh it is maybe a um egoic response to something so it's very important to have a a sense of uh awareness let's let's this is our uh emotional intelligence right it is our intelligence as as a human beings in into looking into okay my emotional respons to situation is anger but why am I really angry is it my ego that has been threatened or is this is a real threat um right are there any other types of things that would be some nuggets that we would like to to share with everybody here things that can make us angry or yeah but just the nuggets from Joan and d'angeles that we could bring to everyone I say this because we're coming to A uh time to to close our conversation just a touch again on what you were something you just mentioned a moment ago I don't the exact quot in front of me but she basically says that anger um I'm paraphrasing but she basically says anger is a normal emotion yes but when we don't learn how to confront it and be more conscious of it yeah that it can it can can become dangerous she does not say anger is a terrible awful thing in all circumstances but at the same time she is warning us that we do need to do our best to learn to understand why something makes us angry and try not to give into the first impulse that we might normally do so she mentioned yeah I would say that's the biggest learning that for me and and um perhaps we can share with everyone which is uh despite the fact that it's a normal emotion right uh for us not to be possessed by those emotions uh and instead for us um uh you know controlling managing those emotions um

with everyone which is uh despite the fact that it's a normal emotion right uh for us not to be possessed by those emotions uh and instead for us um uh you know controlling managing those emotions um it is is a question about how do we understand our feelings our emotional respons to something and try to to look for what is the underlying cause for that emotional response and it differs right it differs from everybody but I could dare to say that most likely it has to do with our egoic construct our a threat to the masks our personas that we build and and hold on to it so carefully or it could be simply um a response or uh uh you know a uh mechanism dis response mechanism because we are actually emotionally psychologically immature right and and so maybe we can talk a little bit about it before we close on what do we need in terms of that spiritual emotional psychological maturity to be able to not only recognize anger but use all the tools in our toolbox for uh managing that well I think a big one would be learning to accept the fact that we are just not in control at times meaning there are things that are happening yeah that we have control over yeah one perhaps make all of us frustrated and and angry is is the feeling that we're wasting time on something yeah or Joanna Angeles mentions traffic or cars and and aggressive driving but um but even just being stuck in traffic and and not being able to get where one wants to go or you know I'm wasting my time stuck in this situation and and incidentally uh traffic is the best example to talk about uh the the vulnerability of us uh exactly and anger is one of uh the the most common reaction to bad traffic right but why I I feel Peter the the the reason why traffic is such a good example is the fact that it's a absolutely a collective system right right uh no matter how good a driver you are or how careful we are it is really you are inserted in the collective system and you have to understand that what I do will impact

collective system right right uh no matter how good a driver you are or how careful we are it is really you are inserted in the collective system and you have to understand that what I do will impact everybody else and vice versa so it it it basically it's the uh greatest example of I can't control I can't control and one response to this lack of control is of course anger and I think you know something like being stuck in traffic can be one example of triggering those egocentric impulses yeah how dare all of these other hundreds of cars be here prevent me from going where I want to go that where you know we all just want an open road where we can drive at the speed we want to drive and get there soon rather than being at the mercy of you know this congestion and things like yeah and I'd love it if I may just take another minute because it's such a good example but for example right uh it's not an absolute this is how we all should drive because let's pretend I don't know it's a Sunday morning I woke up and it's a beautiful day and I'm going to visit my best friend but I'm actually early and I decide to obey the speed limit roll down the windows just let the air come through put music and I am Zan well my being Zan is disrupting the person behind me that is the opposite right he or she needs to to get uh to some place house faster and here I am Marcia driving like every I have all day right well that's my time and I get angry if the other car behind me honks the horn and tries to get me to so my anger can be a response to you don't understand this is a good day for me yeah right so the opposite is uh when I am now the other car and uh I don't know let's let's put a dramatic example uh I know somebody is in the hospital I need to go there and this person in front of me is obeying speed limit right right and then there's this whole Outburst of anger so regardless of that there's always a reason that is egoic it's my own time my own feelings that determine the right or wrong of the situ

mit right right and then there's this whole Outburst of anger so regardless of that there's always a reason that is egoic it's my own time my own feelings that determine the right or wrong of the situ sitation yeah I mean if if we're the person in the car going usually pace and enjoying the moment and all that uh person's pushing us yeah our first projective response might be that this is some impatient arrogant entitled person who yes is violating my space but if we're that person in the car who's stuck behind a slow driver yeah we be having an emergency we're trying to get to the airport and they're invading my space so it's kind of interesting depending upon the point it's all about me right it's all about what I'm going through and which which is literally uh the ego going against this Collective system impulse by the way yes on yeah but I wanted to just wrap it up with uh how liting the fact that uh you know referencing Nelson Mandela who's uh my idol or Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King or any uh other person that led to dramatic changes social changes in the world but they used forgiveness and they used uh a peace in in in in their vocabulary versus uh violence right but most important I would say Peter that we all should be very aware of the incredible role as intelligent beings that we are on knowledge specifically self- knowledge self-awareness um and that that self- knowledge can include uh awareness of my own emotional triggers right uh it it it is the it is the dishes I'm just kidding just K here but whatever the trigger may be let's be aware and see is it fair or unfair and if it is something I cannot control let's talk about it right and there's a a final thing that I would like to to bring it up is the notion of uh our spiritual well-being right that spiritual awareness the spiritual consciousness in and how for us to really grow in in that space we need to to not give in to unmanaged uh Angry responses right and the good news is we do have a lot of

iritual awareness the spiritual consciousness in and how for us to really grow in in that space we need to to not give in to unmanaged uh Angry responses right and the good news is we do have a lot of resources at our disposal to to temper these impulses or at least Channel them in ways that are more positive yeah no thank you can be channeled in positive ways uh but as you said you know we need to be aware of it to start with it helps yes so anger em natural emotion right how we choose to manage it it's our choice our Free Will and uh it is the answer to it all so big hint here is uh know thyself uh be aware just just I don't know uh start journaling for example to to to understand what are the patterns of behavior or the triggers take a pause refrain your thoughts uh find healthy response right and and then we can start looking back like the animals that you started this conversation with where the anger may be there but maybe once the the the the source of uh that angry response is done then you go back to normal but the process and un try to understand what's going on if we don't know how to respond without being angry it's better to not respond at all no the silence is is really the recipe here but we are at the end and I just want to say to all of you who are here with us uh if this is the first time that you're watching this program please note those are weekly talks based on Joanna the angels we did a lot of references to to her book uh existential conflicts and we're here to to Really um bring a way for us to better understand things such as anger and please note that I want to thank the the friends from spir is group love and light that uh Peter is a volunteer there if you want to know more about that organization uh please go to www love andlight nj.org NJ standing for New Jersey and today's program sponsored by our um organizations have been with us since our Inception they are man cinu the United States spiritist Federation the international spiritist Council and

New Jersey and today's program sponsored by our um organizations have been with us since our Inception they are man cinu the United States spiritist Federation the international spiritist Council and Amy Brazil and if you haven't done so please take a moment to hit subscribe if you enjoy this program tell your friends tell everyone that may be interested in this types of conversation thank you so very much and I'll see you next time thank you